I'll start by saying that I know I am extremely blessed. David is still doing remarkably well for someone in the mid stage of Alzheimer's. We have good days and wonderful times together, and we are blessed with supportive family and friends, but
oh.... the ugly face of depression; most days I'm 'good to go'...and can tolerate the changes in our life, but there are some days when I feel an overwhelming fear, sadness, aloneness, and depression, but thankfully I do know.... this too shall pass.Okay, I'm all done with my whining, complaining and feeling sorry for myself, for now........
I wrote this post a couple of days ago, and after re-reading it, I started to delete it.....too negative. However, I decided to let it sit for a couple of days, and I've decided to post it anyway....... this is the life of a caregiver ....at times.
Today is a new day.......... a good day!!
The pictures below, with the beautiful blooming flowers, was taken March 2009.
The pictures with dead leaves was taken today....March 2010 .
And I say, "thank you God for new days!"
21 comments:
The weather hasn't been too kind to us but the good news is....there is another good day!!! Hoping you have a great one!!!
... one tiny question ~ have you found (or launched) a support group yet?
It's ok to express yourself, both the good and bad. It's healthier to let it out than hold it in.
What you do is not easy. It is hard. Thinking of you...and sending hugs.
Blessings,
Nancy
I understand what you are saying and going through. I was my husband's care giver and it does take its toll on you. In reality it is harder on the care giver than the patient. Mine had congestive hear failure. In your case, from my friends that have been through what you are going through, it will never be any easier. That is such a terrible thing. I wish you and family the best. Hang in there, but in time you will need help.
Let it out dont hold back, were all here for you, friends from near and far, holding each other's hand when we need it.
It is hard to put it all out there but its like letting a weight off your mind too .
So many of us have a family member in the same position as David, we all understand what your talking about.
Take care,
Diane
Weather has been a bit off this year hasn't it?
You could have your plate a little full for gardening too.
I know the "pity party" well, that's my 2 in the morning time. It usually passes by 5 am. I like what Diane said, let it out don't hold back.
love and hugs to you and David.
Judi
Hi Dolores - it's okay to whine. If you can't whine to your buddies, then what can you do? You go right ahead and use all these shoulders all around ya. I know it's a hard row to hoe for you as caregiver. It's hard on us having my MIL in a memory care facility. Seems like we're always running down there for something. I'm sure it's much harder on you having the whole weight of his care on your shoulders.
On another note, you have a beautiful backyard! I love all the snapdragons by the pool! Have a wonderful worshipful Sunday!
Thank you for posting this, Delores. It's the same with all of us... depressed days along with the good ones. We all are on a roller coaster ride to which we can not get off. And, boy do I hate roller coasters!!
We are here to support one another, to share in the good times and the bad. Hang in there, girl. You are very special, you are strong, you can do it. And, I have found out.... It's okay to cry.
I used to get in the car and scream.I was smart enough not to drive in that state, just sat in the driveway or garage. Somehow I thought that no one could hear me even God. Years later my neighbor told me that she always knew and that she would make a point to come over shortly after she saw me return to the house to cheer me up or lend a hand. Made me realize that God did hear. One day at a time. Sending you love.
I do not have adequate words to express how your posts , your blog, touches me. Thank-you.
Hello Dolores,
I'm so happy to see you did not delete your post. I think it is important to realize that everything is not always sunshine and roses especially when dealing with a disease. It is okay to take a moment to vent and seek support. The role of a caregiver is a tough one for sure and one that you certainly handle with grace.
Hugs,
Karla
Oh girl...I love your gardens. I can't wait for new growth and springtime sun.
You are blessed my friend. Even though my mom is facing so much of what you are the decline of my father's physical health (heart) combined with the dementia is overwhelming for her. I've seen her age 15 years in the past two.
I am continually reminded that His Grace is Enough. That wonderful unmerited favor of the Most High buoys me and helps me press on. Today I pray for you an endless supply...
Love, Rebecca
I think you are entitled to feel sad and depressed once in a while. Makes you human. You are always such a positive person, Dolores. Everybody knows that. Having a downer day is certainly ok.
Hi Dolores! Wow! What a difference in the flowers. But looking at the pics from last year gives us hope knowing they will be like that anytime soon. Don't worry about writing something negative sometimes. I know it helps to vent. I admire you for being so strong. My mom will be 92 in July and we 5 brothers and sisters in 4 different states take turns in watching her so I know exactly how you feel. It's not easy but I wouldn't have it any other way and I keep praying to God to not take her away from us yet....Christine
The flowers are so pretty. And write what ever you want. That is what we are here for. We have your back. So glad David is having so many good days. And when ever you need to vent start writing get it all out. You know that is what I do and you are always there for me.
I love the photos. They are a wonderful illustration that although winter does come, spring will bring beauty once again. I didn't think your post was negative at all. But then, my last blog post was about death, lol! God bless you.
Hello. My name is Barbara. I have been reading your posts for some time now. I so enjoy them. Each and everyone about David brings back so many memories for me. My father passed 6 years ago due to complications brought on by Alzheimers. Prior to that those years were very tough. In fact more than tough. I was fortunate enough to be able to spend so much time helping Mom and enjoying Dad. My Mother took wonderful care of him. But, the last year was so hard. I sold my house and moved in with them. Poor Dad! Stuck with 2 women to boss him around! I had a wonderful boss, who allowed me to take the time away from work when needed to help care for Dad. And, as you know, they needed help.
I can honestly say that during that time,(as frustrating as it was) I absolutely loved it. My Father was so precious.
The thing that got me through all the tough times was the funny times. There were times when Mom and I would laugh til our sides ached. Just at the comical things that were happening. So often I have thought about writing about that. Not that Alzheimers is funny. It is NOT! But the way Mom and I could find a coping way through the funny things.
I have read many things on Alzheimers and none have touched me the way your posts do. At times I feel like I know you. Please keep up the posts. Both for us readers and yourself. I feel like they are a big help in your coping.
God Bless You and David both. You are both Angels in my mind!
Oh my goodness! I am so teary-eyed after reading all these wonderful comments Aunt D!! All I can do is ditto what everyone said...because they are so right!...We know you are a positive person...and feel honored when you "let us in" to express the sad/depressed times as well. Life really is like a garden...just when you think it all seems so gloomy, spring comes and reminds as all that life keeps moving on to better times.
I love you!!!!!!! L~
Morning, We were not promised a rose garden, but it is sad when there are so many thornes.
I am glad to hear there are good days, hopefully to overshadow the bad ones.
My prayers are with you both, I think of you nearly everyday.
Barbara
Dolores, people often say I should post "exactly" how I feel but it would be very depressing many days. I try to edit it but I guess it is what it is. Sending love and courage - which you already have!
Hi Dolores,
A few days ago I typed a long comment to this post and for some reason it did not go through.
I don't want to ramble too long today in case the same thing happens. But did want to say that I hope that you don't ever feel like you are whining or feeling sorry for yourself. You are just being honest. Alzheimer's is a very difficult thing to go through. It is sad to see our loved ones being taken away little by little by this disease. All of us who have walked this path can understand your feelings.
I wish I had discovered your blog when my mom first came here to live. It would have helped me immensely. You are providing a wonderful haven for many people here.
Sending you gentle ((hugs)) and love,
Kim
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