Our (my) home is clean, Christmas music playing, soft Christmas lights glowing, a glass of Chardonnay and I'm feeling very melancholy.
A neighbor is having an Open House tonight. Sometimes I'd rather sit home and be sad, but I'm going and I'll smile, talk and have a nice time....by golly!
I'll be so glad when I stop counting and thinking .... 'this time 10 weeks ago tomorrow David died' ...etc etc . I have a habit of looking back on my blog to see what was happening this time last year. All the 'firsts' are hard, but thankfully I do know that it will get better.
God is good and time is a great healer. I'll never stop loving/thinking of David. I do know the first year is the hardest in dealing with all the 'firsts'. David was my love/hero/inspiration....and of course I'm thinking of him right now.
For 49 years I've signed birthday cards and Christmas cards 'David and Dolores'........It took me by surprise how sad it was to sign 'Dolores'.... Life goes on through the sadness .... and that's good.
Yesterday I had two separate incidents back to back. The first one, someone ask how David was doing and I had to say he died October 5th. Right after that I ran into someone who knew he had died; she gave me a big hug. Both incidents so different and yet.....people are so good....so loving and caring.
I've said this so many times and I'll say it again and again....I'm blessed!!! I know that God is always with me, my family, friends, church and animals lift me up each time I need 'lifting.'
25 comments:
I know, all the firsts are so stinkin hard. I am glad you are pushing through and trying to put on a happy face. It is NOT easy, I am sure. David would want you to be happy though. He is still, and always will, be in your heart. XO, Pinky
Even though I feel so sad for you...and for all of us who knew him personally or through your blog, I am comforted by your honesty. I was addressing your Christmas card the other day and I too felt so sad to not write his name on the envelope. My how he touched all of our lives! And you touch so many with your humility and kindness towards others .....and for your strength even when you feel weak. I love you Aunt Dolores! L~
I remember my first Christmas after my late husband died. I went away to stay with my brother and family that year. He died on Dec. 26th and so on Dec. 26th I went to the Irish pub where we had courted and had an Irish coffee. There was a big binder at the piano full of song lyrics. I put one in the binder for my late husband. Then maybe an hour later my brother and sister-in-law picked me up.
xx Jenny
I am feeling your pain and finding those firsts so very hard as well. I too think that we still had Daddy 1 week ago today, etc... Christmas Day Breakfast was a big deal for Daddy. The house was full of family and friends. It just grew from the regualr visit of a good friend of his. Before we told everyone about the Alz demon, his wife commented that if was such a big part of Christmas to go to my parents house, that they would probably just show up after my parents were gone. I smiled, I appreciated her sweet comment, but my heart had already began breaking. I don't know what the plans are for this Christmas morning. Another first without Daddy. Big hugs to you Dolores, wish that I were there to sit with you and we could share stories. You remain in my thoughts and prayers!!!!
I have been so down and out about Christmas and I read your post and just am so ashamed of myself. I had so many blessings and I just stop thinking about that and was having a 'pity party'. You have inspired me to get up off my duff, turn on some music, smile when I want to cry. Thank you for showing me again that yes, we women are strong and brave and we can do anything we set our hearts and minds to. You are SOMETHING ELSE, my friend. Much love and plenty of hugs through this sad time.
I can't say I know how you feel because I haven't walked in your shoes but I think of you often and pray you are doing well. I'm glad you made the decision to go to the open house. I think many people "fake it until you feel" and that is a start.
Hi darling, I continue to think of you and the pleasure you give me each and every time you stop by with your sweet messages. I'm sending tons of hugs your way..I'm so fortunate to call you friend. Merry Christmas darling. hugs ~lynne~
Dolores,
You have been on my mind recently and it is so nice to see a post from you.
I am proud of you for going to your neighbor's Open House. I can imagine it is hard to feel cheerful, but also important to remain social.
Your family photos through the years are so nice. I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts this Christmas as I know it will be a hard one for you all.
Hugs,
Kim
I have always admired how very strong you are. AND....you have such faith in God. Okay...now you have made me feel better. It is suppose to be the other way around!
I love these pictures of you, David and your family. It is wonderful that you have such great memories.
I would be very gentle on myself. I think it is normal to be sad and down after the loss of a spouse that you spent your life time with. I can't imagine the day that will happen here. Time will heal you - but now you hurt - and it is okay. Sandie
Dolores, what a beautiful post. Pictures of you, David & your family making it so clear this is the beginning of very different Christmas celebrations for you and your family.David may not be in any more family pictures, but he is always present in your hearts, thoughts, and in so many ways. I hope you have many moments of remembering that bring you sweet & simple happiness in spite of this great loss.
I was just reading Kathy's post (she writes so much better than I) and I looked at your pictures and thought, "David is in each of the faces of your children". I'm sure you will be reminded of him each time you look at one of them. This will be a different Christmas for all of you, and harder than we realize for you unless we've lost a spouse. You've been blessed with the gift to bring joy to others when you may not feel much yourself. I hope you enjoy your friend's openhouse and that this Christmas will be one of the most meaningful you've ever experienced.
Hugs (and toodles) Debbie
Dear David would want you to be happy, with your beautiful smiling face. I love, love your pictures, where you all look so beautiful and happy..such wonderful and unique blessed memories GOD gives us to hold on to, until he calls us back to HIM. You look like Liz Taylor here, I enjoy your lovely pictures..they show the happiness you all had and still have!, because dear David is always present in your lives, specially in yours and you are going thru the hardest time right now, with C'mas at our doors. Many blessings and my most sincere admiration for you, my darling friend. Wish I could be with you, having a glass of wine and cheering for your great life with David. I will cheer for you both C'mas Eve..all the way from here!
FABBY
I remember those firsts, too, and I also blogged about them. I'm sorry about the sadness that those firsts bring you, but I know that your faith, family, and friends are a tremendous support for you. Just keep your positive attitude, and I know you'll be fine.
Love
Gilda
The first are the Worst...May God Bless you and your family Always sweet friend...
((((HUG))))
it has been just a bit over a year since my dad passed away...I gave myself the gift of time when it first happened...time to grieve..time to be so sad...time to miss him...take all the time you need. If I had any advice I would say don't push through this time...do excactly what you want, my friend. As Chatty Crone says "Be gentle with yourself"...knowing that you did everything possible with love and compassion while David was with you. Peace and love to you this Christmas
Dearheart,
The 'firsts' in life are always the most exciting and yet as life as we know it comes to an end, the 'firsts' become both a joy and a heartache.
I think of Patty always for example, but Christmas was her favorite. It has been years since she went to be with the Lord, but I still have tears of joy and heartache that's she is not here to enjoy this one.
God bless you hon and hold you close.
A good thing that you went to the Open House even if you didn't particularly wanted to. I think the pushing through is what helps heal. Thinking of you through the holiday season
Take care
Jeannette
Lovely photos, lovely memories, yes, God is good. Hugs and prayers...Lu
I just stumbled across your comment on Lynne's and wanted to cry. You bring back those memories of a grief that I sometimes thought I would never live through. I did.
Just yesterday was the 15 year anniversary of Pat's death and I was overwhelmed with memories all day..but never a day goes by that I don't think of him and miss him.
I've gone on with my life. When I thought I could not bear another minute, another hour without him...I did. I had to. I had friends and family watching me..worrying.
Time passed and I made it. It will never be over of course. Not after so many years.
I too signed Pat and Mona every Christmas, etc.
My heart goes out to you. Keep going out, keep smiling and one day it will be real and you will realize you lived through it all.
Time..just time..it's a great healer they say. They say. :)
Sending you a hug and my thoughts.
Mona
One foot in front of the other – that is good. Your resolve to joyfully attend the Open House is a powerful witness to others that you are at peace knowing David is with our Lord - imagine the Christmas he is enjoying! ((HUGS))
Looking at these pictures again and I see how much your son looks like David, and your daughter, just like YOU! XO
HI Dolores,
Your family is so beautiful. Perhaps David helped escort the little children in heaven when they arrived last week. When the angels sang to greet the little guests, I suspect your beautiful husband was standing there clapping to the music as you always wrote about in your posts.
You are blessed Dolores, and never forget what a blessing you are too. You bless so many by writing this glorious blog. You cheer all of us on as many of us walk through grief.
So, David and Dolores are still paired to bless the people around them, in heaven and on earth.
Karen
You are so strong Dolores and I really admire you. I hope I can be like when I lose a loved one. Yes, enjoy all the festivities and be thankful they are around and you are invited...Christine
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