There are so many faces/actions/reactions of Alzheimer's......
Oh, how I wish 'it' had NEVER entered our life!
Each person who has this disease is so different, it's hard to compare.....
(Lantana, one of the few flowers blooming in our extreme drought)
I try to wrap my mind around all the changes taking place with David, and the life we once knew. I'm also trying to reconcile the feelings of abandonment .....some days it breaks my heart, other days...... 'I'm good to go.' Unless you've traveled this lonely road, you can't fathom the sadness/loneliness and fear .....
I try to wrap my mind around all the changes taking place with David, and the life we once knew. I'm also trying to reconcile the feelings of abandonment .....some days it breaks my heart, other days...... 'I'm good to go.' Unless you've traveled this lonely road, you can't fathom the sadness/loneliness and fear .....
I know and appreciate the fact that I'm blessed that David is still doing as well as he is at this stage of the journey, but it doesn't diminish the sadness that is felt.
(after a dip in the pool)
One never knows what to expect. He was fine yesterday, last night he slept for about an hour, suddenly he's awake with a red face and anger. He doesn't know where he is or who I am. He's so upset!!! This morning he doesn't remember anything about last night, he's back to 'normal'...... (thank you God).
One never knows what to expect. He was fine yesterday, last night he slept for about an hour, suddenly he's awake with a red face and anger. He doesn't know where he is or who I am. He's so upset!!! This morning he doesn't remember anything about last night, he's back to 'normal'...... (thank you God).
28 comments:
Dolores, what a frightening way to be awakened in the middle of the night! Oh I'm so sorry for your burden cuz I know what you're feeling. My poor husband is having such a hard time dealing with his sweet mom. She hasn't been angry tho. I'm glad David is back to normal today...
Thank you for your sweet encouragement for my friend Helen who lost her daughter Kayla. I know there are some good friends out there in blogland. I can feel it.
Hope you two have a GOOD day today.
Oh Dolores, my heart breaks for you. You do an amazing job of dealing with this disease, but I don't think it would be healthy for you to not feel sad too. I think oftentimes people who haven't dealt with it see it as the person gets forgetful. Often when people would ask me if my mom still remembered me I wanted to scream that it's so much more than not remembering. Today you have given a glimpse of how things can change in the blink of an eye.
I'm glad that David is back to "normal" now. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
So disconcerting to have an episode like that for both of you. I always found the nighttime upsets the most difficult to deal with being half-asleep myself. Toss those burdens right back onto the shoulders of the One Who can cope with them best. Many blessings to you and David... Stay as cool as possible! (I think I'd live in your pool if I were there.)
it is such a horrible disease.....especially for the loved ones..hope your day is good...
I think that the anger is the worst part of Alzheimer's. Or maybe it's not recognizing who one's spouse is. And oh the loneliness also. You are always in my thoughts and prayers, Dolores, as you bravely go through this journey.
Hugs and prayers,
Carol
Through your trials and blogging here, please know you are helping someone who maybe going through something similar and this may help their journey. When trials come in my life I try to look at it that way and along with prayer it gets me through. Not to say I do not have my days where I crash and burn.
Thank you for your post and please know, you are not walking alone as we are here and the lord sends his holy spirit to comfort you.
I'm SO glad he didn't remember being so upset....I'm SO Sorry that you still do...Bless your hearts sweet friend...Always here and Always listening and praying for you all...
((((HUG))))
Dolores, you have given words to my feelings. All we can do is take one day at a time.....
Hugs and prayers go out for you.
Oh, sweetie, I cannot imagin what you go thru, but in a way, I do, too. I'm glad you're blogging all your feelings, you can't keep them inside, as that also produces anger and brings illnesses. Incredible how in a blink of an eye things change with the sick person and than again, normality takes over. I saw in Fox News the other day, how now Drs. can detect Alzheimer by just checking your eyes and it helps to diagnose fast and medicate fast, at the same token.
God bless you specially, sweet friend, as your hubby needs your strength. Love, FABBY
Oh Dolores, I feel every word you write. It is the most surreal disease.
I recently found out that my husband has Frontal-Temporal Dementia. They seem fully functioning, except they lose all emotion and apathy. He is angry often, and then a sweet person arrives occasionally.
Before I knew the exact kind that he had I believed he was a monster. He often threatens to divorce me, and at times I believed him. They are highly functioning and only a spouse would see the signs.
Now my compassion is back. It's funny when he is angry or verbally abusive I am okay, but when he is kind to me then I cry. Because I remember when I could count on him. Now my life feels so uncertain. I just take one day at a time.
Last week I had to meet with a RN about my recent diagnosis with Diabetes II. During the meeting, she said "are you under any stress?" It was like someone had opened up Niagara Falls. I couldn't stop crying, and I felt so embarrassed. I usually can keep my composure. It's like there are pockets of grief tucked and hidden in secret places. Just when I think that I have cried my last bit of grief, I learn that I am wrong.
I recently read the most wonderful book called 10,000 Joys, 10,000 Sorrows. I loved the book. I will be attending a support group especially for FTD. I just want to sit in a room and glean wisdom to help me, and my girls get through this.
I only wish I lived nearby because we could cry together, laugh together and create something wonderful.
Karen
My heart reaches out to you...I wish I could give you a hug and some free time of your own. The loneliness just must be heartbreaking for you. Sometimes it must feel like you are living with a stranger. And he likewise. What horror! My heart just aches for you.
You are so brave and try so hard to see all the positives...you are one phenominal woman! God be with you.
Sending love. J
My goodness, I'm so sorry you have to go through all of that, but glad at least by morning he forgot. With Alzheimer's there's a constant feeling of dread...like what's going to happen next? I hope things go well this week and you can relax a little.
Did your yard get the rain today? We've had quite a bit.
A reaction like that from David would scare me,I hope you are not in physical danger during times like this.
You are right, I cannot know what you're going through , but I sure do understand how you can feel abandoned, because in a way, you have been, though not of his choice. To have him physically there, but not REALLY there seems even more sad and frustrating.
I hope this coming day proves to be a good one for both of you.
Dolores, my heart breaks for you. I am so sorry that you are going down this road. I'll be thinking about you.
Love
Gilda
A hot shower is the best place to cry your eyes out.
I hate the days when you get a small taste of what is still to come.
Some days your shoulders feel strong enough and some days the weight is just too much to carry.
Oh Dolores, that picture reminded me SO much of my FIL. He would sit on his dock and wave to the boats going by, a favorite past time for him! I am SO, so sorry you are going through all this, it must be so frightening to wake up like that. I wish I could be close by to help you out somewhat, even just so you wouldn't be so lonely. I understand, that you are in the same house with David but he isn't really there.....my heart aches for you. I pray for you both. God bless. XO, Pinky
Thank you sweet Dolores for your visit and for liking my cloches...I find that tablescaping transports me to another level in my life and I've met so many wonderful, virtual, but REAL friends too, like you. Anyhow, tablescaping and vignette making and all the things that we do in blog land, really makes me happy and it relaxes me...it takes you away from the everyday problems and from things that there aren't much we can do about, but yeah, fixing anything, or buying a small, cute thing for the home makes me cheerful and happy, even if it's for a few for a few moments, or days, along with your wonderful comments...but life is full of little happy moments too! So, go girl, buy some cloches, put flowers around and rearrange furniture and things! You'll see?!
Love always. FABBY
I can understand how you must feel when David cannot recognize you, Dolores. Thank God it is temporary. Take care!...Christine
How frightening that must have been for both of you. There have been times in my life when I couldn't look ahead to anything more than the assigned moment I was living in. I think you must understand what I am saying.
I pray that whatever the Lord assigns for our lives that His grace will be abundantly sufficient and that we will draw nearer to Him in the process.
Dolores,
I am so very sorry. This disease robs us of our loved ones and robs our loved ones in the process. I will continue to pray for God to give you the strength needed each day and night for you to get through. Please during this it is so easy to not remember to take the time needed for yourself. Don't forget that in order for you to care for David you need to allow others to also care for you.
Love and blessings,
Vikki
I am so sorry for the bad times. He might be starting sundowners. Maybe a pill to help him sleep at night. That is something mom can't do without. If no pill no sleep for either of us. Things are changing for us too. But in moms stage more bad days than good. I pray you have many more good ones than bad. Love the pool photos. David sure loves the pool. You can tell in the great photos. Thinking of you always.
Hi Dolores,
Just stopped back to see if you had a new post. It is so frustrating that there are so many different kinds and reactions. Bottom line it is hardest of all to bottle up the feelings, because you cannot sit down with David and talk about them.
I have joined a support group and will be attending this Tuesday evening. I will let you know if this is helpful.
Meanwhile, you are in my thoughts today.
Karen
I have known of you and your husband as a long time follower of Karen's blog, and have prayed for you regularly but never posted. Just this weekend I felt it very important to see how you were doing. It is amazing that you have had five decent years. I know the loneliness is awful and that the nights are the worse, and hope that there are people who can help you when you most need it. In the meantime, my prayers will continue for you and your family,
Ruby
I too come over from Karen's blog to see how you are doing...this must be the hardest thing...I really can't imagine.
Just found your blog and i am a new follower. Yes it must be very frightening to wake up like that... I'm glad he is doing better now.
Leontien
www.fourleafcloverdairy.blogspot.com
Thanks for your always lovely visit, dear Dolores. You made me laugh about opening draws fast and braking something, because at the beginning it did happen to me, I pulled hard and all the ceramic and pottery serving platters and bowls just rattled like crazy, another time I opened two drawers at the same time and they clashed against them and I kind of made a small bruise in the wood...now I'm very careful and got the hang of it! Love and have a great week! FABBY
I'm sorry Delores. I hope you are still able to get out once a week... didn't you have someone coming in to relieve you?
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