(I guess one could say that I collect Nativity sets; we have 19. I have 2 new ones...... here's one of the new ones .... I love it!)
We've been blessed that David has been at home for over six years, but I'm feeling the time is approaching when I can't handle him anymore.
(Sweet memories of our then little family in 1993)
To say my heart is breaking is an understatement.......I don't know when this will happen, but I do know that God is preparing me in many ways.
(Casey and Pumpkin were looking out the front window, until I walked in and disturbed them.)
This disease is so hideous and draining 24/7. David's in excellent health other than Alzheimer's. He's still strong, which can be frightening at times when he's angry and doesn't know who I am. The hallucinations and paranoia are coming more frequently......
(Just like the first nativity, only in color)
I never know from minute to minute the type of mood he will be experiencing. It's like walking a tightrope......
(This is one of my favorites)
I'm so thankful for a supportive Sunday school class, church family, friends and family who've kept me grounded and able to continue moving forward on this long journey.
(No Christmas tree this year, so I placed 'some' of our ornaments in this tray)
I remind myself that many others have traveled this road....I know I'm not alone.
God is good!!!
God is good!!!
48 comments:
I've offered before ... if you EVER want to talk I'm here for you. 541.322.9836.
I know I could never have managed my mother's disease for six years, even though everyone progresses at a different level. I knew in my heart what was right ... you will too. David will adjust, I promise. Though it won't be easy for either of you in the beginning. Choose a place as close to home as possible and make yourself a fixture like I did .. help there with activities, volunteer wherever you can and as much as you are comfortable with. My prayers are with you.
My prayers are for you and the decisions that must be made eventually. I hope that the approaching time will be easy as possible and that things fall in place quickly once that time comes.
Beckie in Brentwood, TN
My heart is heavy for you, Dorothy. Here I am fussing over my cat issues and you are faced with such a difficult challenge. Because we have alzheimers in our family (Gary's mom) I understand what you are saying and know that my sisters-in-law are dealing with the same issues. It is heart-breaking. Having a close-knit family is so important and helpful right now and I am sure they will be by your side through it all. Sometimes decisions are out of our hands and to know God and to trust Him is a blessing. I'll keep you in my prayers. Deb
My heart breaks for you...
You will know when the time is right. Find a place close by (if you don't have some place in mind already) and check into it. Sometimes there are waiting lists. I know that mere words of comfort are sometimes no comfort at all...but I offer my prayers and would give you a gentle hug if I could.
HUGS - I hold you in my heart.
Oh Dolores, that will be a very hard decision but I know whatever you decide on will be the right one. God will guide you and He has reasons for everything. I will be praying for both of you. You have a beautiful home...Christine
Dolores,
my heart is breaking for you as I read this post. I am so sorry that this disease robs us of those we love...it is not easy and as it gets harder; I found that remembering the good memories seemed to help. I pray that the Lord gives you the strength, wisdom and peace when it comes to making those hard decisions. Remember that you are loved by so many.
Love and blessings,
Vikki
You are daily in my prayers and now praying for wisdom for a placement possibility for David.
Love your nativity scenes. I collect them also. I made a quilt wall hanging with one and cherish my Swedish nativity scene.
Since you have a church family, I will say that I just love that Christ came into our world as a baby, not to bring us Santa Claus. He suffered and died and rose from the grave, conquering Alzheimer's and death. He is sitting by God and is praying for Dolores and David and all of us on this Alzheimer's journey. May that Savior guide you and love you and give you peace through this difficult time.
Hugs and prayers,
Carol
I could not have taken care of my tiny little grandmother if I had been alone, Dolores. You must do what is the safest for both you and David. Praying for you, my friend. Sending love...
My heart is truly going out to you! I can only imagine how difficult it is knowing that things may be changing soon. It is especially hard to think of that during the holidays. I pray that you will be able to enjoy the holiday season and make many special memories to hold close to your heart. You have been such a wonderful, caring wife for your husband! With so many friends and family praying, the Lord will help you make the right decision. I love our nativity scenes! And I also really love your idea of the ornaments in the bowl, what a great, and beautiful way to display them! Your house looks wonderful! Sending big hugs!
I am so sorry. I am praying for you. You have done such a great job and David has had a wonderful life because of you. He will be ok what ever you decide . Good luck. Email me if you need to talk.
There usually comes a point when an Alzheimer’s patient needs 24/7 care and it is physically and emotionally impossible for one person to provide that. It is the loving and right decision to place them where they can get the care and supervision they require. You have been, and will continue to be, a terrific caregiver for your David. Please, please don’t allow even a morsel of guilt to enter into your decision. You can go here and search through the discussions to get plenty of advice on this topic: http://thealzheimerspouse.com/vanillaforum/ I know how difficult this is for you; I will be praying for God to guide you in this difficult decision.
I'm so sorry it is moving so fast for you and David...my prayers are with you...always remember to take care of yourself...don't let the disease capture you too...you are fortunate to have a loving family around you...
Sigh. Well dear friend, we knew this time was coming didn't we?
I never dreamed when they gave me lectures about "needing to take care of yourself too" that it would some day mean protecting yourself from harm. We all hurt for you and with you. Yes, you are not alone, God is good, and close every moment.
Oh Aunt D, I just don't have any words. I'm feeling pain right now....and a lot of denial....thinking of my childhood, how Uncle David walked me down the isle, and been a forever constant in my life.
I am always thinking of you and I just love you both so very much! L~
Oh my dear Dolores, my heart goes out to you! God is probably already talking to you, if you know David needs 24/7 care and for both of you and his health. I will be praying so you really make the right choise, you've been such an angel in your dear David's life, but I'm sure you knew the deciding times will ariive and soon. Lots of hugs and thank you for sharing with all of us. Your Nativities are so pretty, I love your fav too and you have a beautiful home, just like you! FABBY
Dolores...I think if you're to the point where you can type it on your blog, it's time. Your head is telling you it's time, your heart will NEVER tell you its time.
The guilt doesn't go away once you make this move. It's just another hard road to travel. But there is a tipping point where you have to do it for you. Hugs, love and prayers for you.
It's about that time, Dolores. David doesn't know what he's doing, and you have to be careful and think about yourself as well as him. He is about at the point of needing a SAFE place for him to stay, and a safe place for you at home. Yes, it's hard to make that decision and you will feel guilty at times, but it's a fact of life. No one has the right to judge or criticize you - you have gone above and beyond to care for your dear husband at home for as long as you can. My prayers are with you as you search for the perfect place for him. I know you will be there alot for him and his 24/7 care can be taken care of by professionals. You need some peace, and your family will understand. You must make this decision when you are ready. Hugs, dear lady...
My heart aches for you and your children as you consider your options. As Debbie's Garden said; if you can write it then you have spent many hours thinking about it and you are now ready to make the difficult decisions. All of you ~ David, you, the children and the grandchildren need to be in a safe place. Trust in the Lord; He will guide you. i'll be praying.
Thinking of you and sending hugs. I wish I could make it better for you.
I am joining with the others in prayer.
Shirley in Virginia
Dolores,
I know how hard this decision must be for you. You can count on my prayers dear friend. I guess when the unpredictable behavior becomes so overwhelming and difficult to handle, you have only one choice. I pray that God makes this an easy transition for you.
Karen
Hi Dolores, I'm still here, but a bit 'raw' at the moment to offer advice. Thinking of you both, Jenny
Hi Aunt Dolores... Think about you and Uncle David. Know you both are in Erin's and my prayers as you make these decisions. You are an amazing person and set a example for me and my wife of what it means to be faithful and dedicated to your spouse. Take care... Stuart
Oh Dolores, my heart aches for you and the decisions you have ahead of you. Knowing when the time is right is half the battle...letting go and turning David's care over to others is the other half... and we do have Someone who guides us through those battles. Peace, my dear friend.
Cherish each moment, have a Christmas that will remain in your memories forever and then know that we all love you and pray for you as you move on into this next step of your journey.
Hugs and prayers,
Latane
God says to every thing there is a season. This disease has many seasons and this is a new one. A natural progression of the disease and no failing on your part. I hate alzheimers too. My mom was diagnosed with this just about the time I married and began having my kids. There was nothing that could be done as she disappeared a little each week for years. I am so sorry that David has alzheimers. I've met so many lately my age whose parents are victims. It doesn't get better.
Dolores, God has given you such grace and strength to deal with this and I'm thankful for those he has brought close to help you. He will continue to give you answers for the seasons. I'll keep you and David in my prayers.
Hugs, Debbie
This is such a horrific disease. I'm sure it is difficult for you to see it now, but he will adjust once you make the decision.
Keep well. Hugs and prayers
Jeannette
I am an avid follower having been "introduced" to you by your daughters blog when you were in China for one of your grandchildren but I only post once in a while. You are a wonderful wife, mother and person. You have handled your husbands illness with grace and strengh. I have no advice but wanted to tell you I think of you often and pray for you.
This must be the hardest decision you will ever make...I hope that you can find some peace in it at the time. These days for you can be very frightening and I hope that you will call for help when you need it...to keep you both safe.
Making sure he is near by will make your daily visits so much easier.
You are in my heart and in my prayers.
Dolores, it actually is pretty amazing that david has been home for 6 years. I know your heart is braking but the day will come and you will know it is TIME. I know it will be extremely hard at first but hopefully you will find a place close by so you can go often. The care is SOOOO very draining on the caregiver, I worry about YOU. Take good care, we will always be here for you. Keeping you both in my prayers. XO, Pinky
You have gone above and beyond. I know I could never have done what you've done 24/7 for as long as you have. You really should start visiting places ahead of time...before there's a crisis and something has to be done immediately. Do you know about DADS (Department of Aging and Diability Services)? You can type in a zip code and check out different facilities in that zip code. I found it very helpful. I might still have the link if you want it. I'm not home right now and I know it's not on this netbook. It's a good starting point before you make visits. You're in my prayers.
Thank you for you blog. I'm not sure how I found it. I check in on you and pray for you. My Mother has Alz. I had to move her in to a care unit. Making the move is the hardest part. It's heart breaking, sad and lonely. But.. what a blessing it has been for my father and I. We sleep at night now. We can spend more quality time with her and not be worried or exausted. Alz care givers are trained to handle, speak and care for them. One lovely lady explained..we work a 7-8 hour shift, go home and take a break. You are on 24-7. I understand your feelings. I'm so sorry you are going thru this. I hope you take care of yourself. You are in my Prayers.
Oh Dolores, I am so sorry you are having to face these difficult decisions. My heart goes out to you.
You have been a remarkable caretaker to your dear David, but I believe you when you say it is draining. Remembering the hallucinations and agitation my mom went through, I have to think it is hard for you to get a good night's rest.
I will be praying for you.
Hugs,
Kim
Mom,
I love your new nativity sets! Very beautiful!
I know how much you are emotionally struggling with trying to decide "when" the right time is...You know what Dad's wishes were and I remember them very clearly. I love him so much, but nothing would make me happier than you following through with his wishes. At the time, when he talked to us and told us his requests, he told you and us what he wanted you to do. He knew what a wonderful giving soul you have and he knew that you would stop living your life in order to care for him and he didn't want you to completely sacrifice yourself for him.
I love you so much and I know this isn't an easy decision for you to make. We support whatever decision you make. You are always in our prayers.
Love,
Karen
This has got to be one of the most difficult decisions ever to make. When in home care is not possible then one has to think of a care facility. I cant say I know how you feel, I have not been faced with that but my heart aches for what you are facing. I am here and praying strong that the lord will lead you to the best place for David.
GOD give you strength in the days to come.
Steve and I have talked openly about what we want if ALZ should happen to us. We both said to one another "do what's best for the you!" I KNOW your David loves you and surely felt the same way. If he understood and could speak it he would want you to take care of YOU!
You are in my prayers...always~
xoRebecca
Hello Delores. I've read most of the above comments and they are so full of love, care, and hope for you and David. I would like to echo those feelings and advice. I am so glad you know Christ as your Savior and that you are trusting in God's perfect knowledge of what you need in your life, not just now, but in the future. I am glad you are hearing and listening to God, He will be your comfort--Him and all the blogger 'relatives' who have come to know you and David. My heart does go out to you-- you have been a most excellent wife, mother, caretaker, human being! You have done your best, and I am confident that you will continue to do your best. It does appear that the time has come for a decision, and I know that God and your family will guide you down the road. I am so glad that despite the heartaches, you are able to see the beautiful gifts that God gives us every day. We are behind you every step of the way, Delores! (And yes, your home is so lovely--like you!)
You need a lot of love and prayers right now and that is what I am sending you today. Yes, God is good and you will know when the time is right cause He will let you know. You must think of the safety of both of you. I always think of when I can't handle my husband what will I do, but at the same time I know God is with us and He will take care of things. Blessings...Lu
Sweetheart, you'll Know when it's time...I truly do not think I could have been as brave as you have been....
Loving you today!!!
((((HUG)))
I have been visiting and reading the comments.
My heart goes out to you.
My Dh is also on this terrible journey, nearing the stage your David is at..I don't know how I will be when that time comes for placement... that will be the most difficult decisions ever to make.
Julia ♥
Oh Dolores - I finally get updated on all my blogs and come to this.
Whatever decision you make will be the right one, because you are so filled with love for David that you can't make a wrong decision.
You have to think of your safety as well as David's. If he accidentally hurt you, he'd feel terrible and there is no reason for you to put yourself in that position.
My heart hurts for you now that the time has come to start figuring that stuff out. I dread the day.
I am here for you, whenever you need me.
love,
your sister from another family,
barbara
When there is a quiet time dear one, look in the mirror at the beautiful angel who has created and maintained a peaceful, loving and happy life at home for her husband. If that angel looks tired and frightened and sad, its because she knows that her assignment is about to change. Know that you are loved and beloved. Know that you are supported in following David's stated wishes. Know always that you are worthy and whole. Know that deep inside you have the wisdom and courage to take the next step. Blessings to you this Christmas.
Hi Dolores,
I just stopped back to say that you and David are in my prayers. I can only imagine how difficult this decision is for you.
Tomorrow is my Birthday and I'll be driving up North to Vermont to be with my Mom. Then on Sunday I'll spend time with my girls and Ned.
Wishing you clarity and peace.
Karen
Sending love J
Dolores, whatever you decide is best for you both is what needs to happen. I know parents of a retarded child who was very healthy, but given to bouts of rage she enacted , and the fact that she was bigger and stronger than both of them weighed on their decision to place their beloved daughter in a home for adults such as her.You cannot risk being harmed seriously by your Beloved, in the end that would be very bad for BOTH of you. Better for you to make the right decisions now...than to have others make the decisions regarding David because you are out of the picture due to harm he caused you in this condition.I am so sorry to read things have progressed this far. I know you are more grieved than any of us can ever know. My prayers for you both.
Dolores, my heart was breaking as I read your post. I know you love David very much, and that's why you were able to keep him at home with you for as long as you have. But you are very wise to recognize the signs that it's time to ensure your own safety and health, by moving him to a home where he can be safe as well. There will be qualified people there who can give him the 24/7 care that he needs and deserves as this damned disease progresses.
I hope the following thought helps you make the decision. People often asked me "How I could do that to my father?" I replied, "I didn't do it TO him. I did it FOR him."
Best wishes and prayers as you make this difficult, but absolutely essential, decision.
Love
Gilda
Just checking in to see how you are. XOXO, Pinky
Dear Dolores....I'm so sorry that you are at this point with David. We all knew it would come. I had my mother with me for 6 years, also...and I have to tell you that moving her to assisted living was the very best thing I did for her AND for me. You are showing your true love for him in making this decision for him, since he cannot.
You have NO idea how often during my days I think of you. You will be forefront in my prayers from this day forward as you move on.
My love and prayers, sweet Dolores.......Carol xoxoxoxoxo
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