I love our children, grandchildren, friends, church, our little yard, our two cats and dog .... however, there's such an emptiness because David isn't here with me .
I miss David's sweet smile (he no longer smiles)
I miss his voice (he seldom talks)
I miss his presence
I miss his sparkling blue eyes (they no longer sparkle)
I miss him clapping to music (he was so happy when he was listening to music and clapping)
I miss him sweeping the patio (he had a job to do when he would sweep)
I miss seeing him with a book or newspaper in his hands (Oh, how he loved to read!)
I miss asking him questions, sharing information and discussing anything and everything
I miss his love for routine and his faithfulness to everyone
I miss seeing the look of love and pride on his face when he saw his children, grandchildren, friends, our pets and me....
I miss him driving and being in charge
I miss asking him questions .....he was so smart and so logical. I loved listening to his opinions, even though I might not have always agreed with him.
I miss our cuddling!!!
Kathy from ......Spot on Cedar Pond posted this:
'Live simply and always be grateful for the love and friendship life bestows
on you, and always remember to cuddle.'
Life goes on.... I feel as though I'm on hold.....I'm not sure where I'm going or what I'm doing..I'm waiting, but I don't know what I'm waiting for.
I do know that I am blessed...we've had so many good years together and made so many wonderful memories, but I do miss him so!
God is good!
30 comments:
I can understand Dolores. A long time ago I was grieving over a loss. A friend of mine said, that I seemed so unhappy. I told her, it's okay to be unhappy sometimes. Grief is like that, and it requires us to be sad until the healing has begun.
Music has notes and white space. The white space "hold" is as essential as the music. You are in the white space just now. Someday, when this is all behind you, the music will begin again, and you will have a new song.
May God fill you with the peace that passes all understanding.
Karen
Karen's comment is one of the wisest I've encountered, she is right!
What a wise friend you have in Karen...perfect words...just know you have lots of prayer warriors!!!
Peace, comfort, and much love to you. Nothing and no one will ever fill the place reserved for David in your heart.
One of your "callings" has been to share your story on this amazing blog. I think you have helped many people, myself included.
dancing in the rain alone..no fun. Hugs.
I am so glad you are able to tell us what is in your heart. Still praying...........
I know you must miss David so. David as you knew him is no longer there. This horrible disease takes that person and leaves a stranger. I itemized each thing my FIL lost too. He had a GORGEOUS smile, he was always talking and the LIFE of the party. He was a story teller. And he knew and loved us. God bless you and give you some peace and serenity. I will keep praying. XO, Pinky
Oh Dolores, I feel for you. Focus on the good times. Cherish what you have had and still have. You are lucky to love and have been loved and you have your children and grandchildren who care for both of you. I hope it can still get better. I pray for both of you every night...Christine
I know how you feel.
You were so lucky to be so loved, and still are - just in a different way. You have wonderful children and grandchildren.
To have a great love even just once is a lucky thing.
My heart is with you my friend, my sister, my adoptive mom...
xx
barbara
It must be really hard for you..I keep you and David in my prayers...I'm so happy you have your family and friends around you...
I think Cuddling is my favorite thing to do with my Boyfriend. You don't have to say a word just be with each other. Praying for you both. Love Always.
What Karen said....well, that was just beautiful. And Vee expresses what we all feel...that your blog is a blessing and inspiration to all of us. I absolutely hate you're having to go through the grief of missing all the wonderful qualities of Uncle David. So many years of so many wonderful things. I love you very much and am always "with you". (I must say...your yard looks absolutely beautiful!! And the porch looks spectacular with that rock/boulder thingie! Lol!) Love you Aunt D!!! L~
Hi darling, sending you tons of hugs. hugs ~lynne~
You have so many wise and lovely friends, I am so glad they are there for you...always! I love how you celebrate all your wonderful 'gifts'.
You blog beautifully and your pictures always say so much--this time grief and more grief. Humm. We can't fix it. It is just broken.
When my late husband died I had one thought that sustained me: I am glad that he didn't have to go through grief on my part. You loved David so much and he doesn't have to go through this agonizing grief on your behalf.
Make a list of what you would like to do beyond these very raw emotions. Maybe you can drag yourself to start on them.
Go Christmas shopping for your family.
Plan to have someone stay with you--maybe a grandchild for a few days.
Do something special every day that puts a smile on your face.
Do something special every week--maybe a girl's night out. Go see a silly movie "What to Expect" or another one what will bring smiles.
Read the Psalms and cry and pray.
I wish I lived by you, but Florida is a long ways off. One day I hope you can come visit me or we could meet somewhere.
Hugs and prayers,
Carol
I agree with Sandra. Your story has had an impact on me and I can't help but think that someone is doing something differently in their life because you've shown us things don't always turn out the way WE plan and things don't last forever. You and Sandra have that in common AND your willingness to share your story. Hugs and prayers to you Dolores. Deb
Dear Delores,
I have been reading your blog for a long time, usually with tears streaming down my face. I am fortunate in that I have my loving husband here with me, & I would gladly share him with you if you were closer as he is a very giving man. His father suffered from the horrible devastation of Alzheimers, the last 7 years of his life in a nursing home, after the family intervened & insisted my MIL couldn't take care of him at home anymore. I know what you mean about the waiting--he was gone, but he wasn't really. It was sort of like visiting a living corpse--he didn't speak or respond in any way to us--his mind was gone but yet his body was strong. When he did pass away, it was more of a sense of relief that the suffering was over for everyone. Most of the grieving had been done ahead of time slowly, like you are now, as we watched the smart, funny man we knew slowly slip away, so his funeral was more of a celebration of his life, as funerals should be. We just lost our dear MIL suddenly 2 weeks ago, & now they are together again, whole & happy, & we can't be sad. What do people do without faith? You are an inspiration to many--your blog may be the closest some may get to hearing about our Great God, & you have turned your life experience into your own kind of ministry. How unselfish of you to share this time of personal reflection with others, while praising God with your sweet spirit as your heart is breaking! My prayers are with you also, as are so many, I'm sure, who have been silent but are reading along with your days as they go by. I'm sorry this is so long, but I wanted you to know there are those of us out there who admire and respect what you are doing, and are cheering you on silently, even if we don't always comment. Thank you for what you do!
Oh Delores....I understand loss as well, a boyfriend....but Never of a husband. I can not even Begin to know how you remain SO strong.
Just Loving you today dear lady....
((((HUG))))
How strong you are sweet lady and you put it in such a beautiful poetic tone all your feelings, like Chilean poet Pablo Neruda...Alejandro is so much like David, that I cannot imagine losing him in any way!! The REAL DAVID must be like he has departed, or his essence has been taken away by this dreadful illness already. I once read that Nancy Regan said that the President's Alzheimer was a long, long goodby. Just keep God's faith and prayers and that's all you'll need everyday to keep you strong in this journey with your dear handsome David. Remember him as HE REALLY WAS and don't linger about this other one, that is NOT HIM!!
Lots of hugs,
FABBY
My Dearest Dolores,
What would we do without our memories. Your memories is what will sustain you through all of this. Yes. he did have a beautiful smile and sparkling blue eyes, like my Rick. God is with you always and with him. I understand you and truly wish things could be different for you but I pray for your heart to have peace. Big hug...Lu
Oh Dolores, the empty pool, no sign of David sweeping, or reading,playing with your dog and the kitten,playing with grandchildren, or clapping, more heart-breaking than the words themselves.To lose David ,even though he is there in body, more painful than I can imagine.My prayers are for you both.
Just one more cuddle, one more glimmer of recognition, so simple, yet so miraculous.
Dearest Delores,
You are in my thoughts and prayers. You are such an inspiration to me and I am always moved my your honesty and transparency in your posts.
I cannot imagine how you are feeling or what you must enduring but I have a Heavenly Father who does know and who does care. The scriptures tell us that He has engraved us in the palm of His hand. You can rest there, dear friend, when you can find rest no where else.
Blessings to you today.
In Grace,
Marie
I also was amazed at what Karen Harvey Cox. It was perfect. New Kid on the Block had great suggestions too. I feel for you, Delores.
This is no where near the same, but when my husband would be gone trucking for a week or more at a time, I would tell him, "this place is nothing without you." Yes, the "long goodbye".
My heart aches for you Dolores!
I followed you from the "Lonely Rivers" blog.
All the right words have been said
by those who made comments.
You touched my heart this morning in a deep way.
Sorrow for you
but happiness of what you have known in your past.
I am alone because of divorce 30 years ago. But I never had a love like you have known.
God is good and your sharing is
meaningful to many
God Bless You...
I know father's day has to be rough on you - I am so sorry. sandie
Eventhough I have been away from blogging, know that I have kept you in my thoughts and prayers.
May GOD continue to keep you strong in spirit and give you peace.
I can so vividly remember my Dad slowly fading away...the blank looks, no longer speaking, etc., but he was in his 90's. It's got to be so much more difficult for you because it's your husband and he's much younger. My prayers are with you.
wishing for you the strength to carry on...I always remember the words to the song "We could have missed the pain but we would have missed the dance". I think all of us are glad we had the dance...
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