I've been ask what I'm doing?
Hmmmmm.....
Hmmmmm.....
I stay busy, however...... I don't feel very productive. I said on a previous post.... I feel I'm on hold and not sure where I'm going or what I'm doing. Most times I'm 'good to go' and then there are days that the loneliness hits me and I find myself (like yesterday) saying over and over, "David I miss you so much" and I end up crying and crying.
Crying and missing David isn't a bad thing... I know that. We've been married 49 years. Imagine if I didn't miss him...............how sad would that be!
Seven days in a week, but Saturday and Sundays are the hardest. I haven't figured that one out yet.... maybe because i think of it as 'family day'......
.
I do know that I've been blessed with wonderful friends who keep me occupied.
Thank you Nelwyn for being here for me every day..... no matter what's going on in your life.
(We walked the hill to get to the Parthenon in Greece)
I'm actually 'trying' to learn to knit...(thank you Grace) ...I've always had a hard time sitting still for any length of time (maybe I'm ADHD or ADD) me sitting still is hard, so this will be interesting... to say the least.
(On a bus in New Zealand)
I love our home, I love working in the yard with my flowers, I love decorating and I love my animals.
I love my garden club, 'supper club'....helping out by doing the 'memorials' at our church.
Crying and missing David isn't a bad thing... I know that. We've been married 49 years. Imagine if I didn't miss him...............how sad would that be!
Seven days in a week, but Saturday and Sundays are the hardest. I haven't figured that one out yet.... maybe because i think of it as 'family day'......
.
I do know that I've been blessed with wonderful friends who keep me occupied.
Thank you Nelwyn for being here for me every day..... no matter what's going on in your life.
I'm actually 'trying' to learn to knit...(thank you Grace) ...I've always had a hard time sitting still for any length of time (maybe I'm ADHD or ADD) me sitting still is hard, so this will be interesting... to say the least.
I love our home, I love working in the yard with my flowers, I love decorating and I love my animals.
I love my garden club, 'supper club'....helping out by doing the 'memorials' at our church.
My Sunday school class and church family have been more loving and supportive than I could have expected or imagined. I shouldn't be surprised though.
I usually visit David around noon so I can feed him. The meals at AlzCare are cooked with tender loving care by a very sweet lady who has a passion for making the meals tasty for the patients..
Even though the food is pureed and doesn't look very appetizing, it always smells good.
I feed David with a baby spoon, it's easier to get the food in his mouth. He can no longer hold his head up, so it's difficult trying to feed him.
A special blessing today....... A sweet friend (Janice) went with me to see David..... she sang 'Jesus Loves Me' to him. I told him (as usual) that I loved him and for the first time in ages he said, "love you". And I say, 'thank you God for whispers of hope and love'...
I look at these wonderful/fun pictures of David and me....... and I remember all the wonderful times we've had together.
And I say, "thank you God"........
28 comments:
Dolores,
you always find something to thank the Lord for~you are a constant inspiration. I pray for you both as you walk through these difficult days. Sending my much love.
Vikki
Goodness you are busy. I think learning to knit is a wonderful hobby. I have always wanted to learn to crochet but I seem to lack ambition. It does sound like you have wonderful friends and that is such a blessing!
Oh, I am so glad you have these bEAUTIFUL memories! I have never been out of the US and all these trips look wonderful. I pray that God will continue to give you courage and faithfulness. It never ceases to amaze me that you still thank God every day. WE are blessed to have YOU as such an inspiration. XO, Pinky
You have such beautiful memories that always share with us and such fabulous trips you've made together..I for one love to see your happy photos, where you look so pretty and David so handsome! Wow, there is lots to thank God for and you certainly find do and you know it! God bless you every day sweet lady, so you can keep strong and faithful to our Lord. I love it that you are learning to crochet, how fun.
Love,
FABBY
You've led such a good life...and you are on-hold...keep busy pretty lady...thinking of you!!!
I'm listening to worship music right now and your post and the words to the song are melding together. "Welcome into this place, welcome into this broken vessel, you desire to live in the praises of Your people..."
I love seeing these wonderful photos. You two have traveled the world. What sweetness you must feel when you revisit them. And, oh, to get a "love you" must feel as precious as a hug or very close! What sweet friends you have. As always, sending prayers heavenward and love to you both.
I know you are hurting and you are looking for the good things to concentrate on and the wonderful people in your life. I think that is amazing and a gift. sandie
Bless you, my friend. You are NEVER alone. This limbo state is awful, but your love for David sure paid off today - how wonderful you heard those words.
I need to be a better friend - I have been so busy with my life that I've lost touch with you. I will rectify that. I love you and you are always in my thoughts.
Always feel free to call me. Really. I will try to call you soon.
xxx
with love,
your adopted kid in CA...
Oh Delores, I know the tears.
The hollow feeling.
hugs.
you have such a postive sweet attitude...even during such a difficult time in your life...some people would be better...I love how you remember all the wonderful times in your life and share them with us...Happy 4th of July...
It always strikes me as funny when you say you don't think you write well....each post is so beautifully written and hits a nerve with everyone...such sheer honesty in each word.
I wish I could be there when those deeply lonely times hit. But I know that's the thing about grief...it's so deeply personal...even though you may all be grieving for the same person.
When I look at these pics...I feel a little like your life is my life...I remember looking at all these pics in your photo albums and just remember those years.
You sure are loved Aunt D!! Just please always know that!!!! I love you! L~
Whatever mood you are feeling - now and in the future, just go your own pace, but take small steps - sometimes you will feel you are going backwards, but tomorrow is another day. (That doesn't quite sound right, but hopefully you know what I mean) Thinking of you both, Jenny
Dolores,
This blog is such good therapy for you and for all of us grieving with you. "Bear one another's burdens," the Scripture says.
I reflect on my grief with my late husband's death twenty some years ago. It was so hard and a counselor helped me through. "Why are you so anxious to replace your husband?" he once asked me when I started dating another widower only four months after my late husband's death. I did heal and learn. It took eight years to remarry a godly, attentive husband, who is still godly and attentive despite his Alhzeimer's.
One session those many years ago, after working through much grief, the counselor said to me, "Get up each morning and pretend you are happy." Pretend? I'm thinking, but I didn't feel happy. Crying out to God and emersing myself in Scripture I did get through that stage and the years to follow. I repainted rooms in the house and forgeted a new life without a husband. I learned to live singlely.
Years later when the Alzheimer's diagnosis came to my current husband, I thought about the hard times of facing widowhood again.
Enter one lovely DOLORES who taught me to treasure every day with my husband with your comments on my blog. I do treasure every day now, as I pray earnestly for you to be given a "spot of joy" (husband's recent term) each day.
I am so grately for you and your blog, dear Internet blogging friend. I am one of the WHYS for what you are going through.
Hugs and prayers,
Carol
I meant to type "forged" instead of "forgeted". I reposted this on my blog in honor of you, Dolores.
Love,
Carol
I'm so glad you two got to go to Greece and Egypt! Not too safe now...
Wishing I could stop all the sadness for you sweet friend... But just know that I walk beside you in Spirit with the Biggest baseball bat, defending you....Sending Prayer to you both daily....
(((( Hugs))))
I am so happy for you that David said I love you! It must do your heart so much good to hear it. I am so sorry for the sadness of this journey but happy that you saw the 'world' together! Such happy memories.
You and I are going through many of the same emotions right now. You might not realize it, but you're in mourning for the life and the David you used to have.
When my Dad died I found relief. I had already done most of my mourning ahead of time. Alzheimer's is very different from other diseases that way.
I love all your old photos and memories.
Something just made me want to come by your blog tonight. So glad I did - what NewKidontheBlog said...WOW!! How beautiful...just shows how much your blog is touching people Aunt D!!
I love you!! L~
You are a strong lady Dolores. Thank you for sharing some wonderful memories of your travels.
This is not an easy journey, but you are getting through it -one day at a time.
Prayers and hugs
Such sweet words 'I love you'. Thank you God.
I was so delighted to hear that your Darling husbad said He loved you.
That picture I put on my page today of the two loved ones and the sign above.With my deco wit the roses and all I love you Graphic I made.
Is dedicated to you Dear Dolores.
I read from Newkidonthe= Carol
She is a dear friend through Internet Blogging is a real blessing.
I enjoyed your pictures and your blog.
Love you
Carol Ann
There is just not enough little projects, chores or visiting with friends to fill our minds and our hearts to blot out the pain of seeing our spouses in such decline. I think of you and know you have a lot of support. You are an amazing lady.
So, you are taking up knitting? I loved it... I hope you do too. You can make such beautiful things for yourself and your grands. We'll be looking for pictures of your first knitted item/thing. Lots of hugs. Latane
I've been reading a bit of your story and am overwhelmed by the pain you must travel. The moments of blessings mix with the tears and God is making something beautiful. The care of your family and friends is beautiful to witness.
Dearest Dolores,
You have some beautiful memories of you and David, looks like you had wonderful vacations. You will always have those memories. Yes, thank you God for whispers of hope and love, he was able to tell you he loves you, that really touched my heart, he will never stop loving you. Love the quote in your other post. Please just keep on doing all that you are doing in your church and with your friends it's important to keep your mind busy and I think knitting is a great pastime, I do a little also. I make booties for the family. Blessings, Lu
Oh Dolores! How wonderful that you have these sweet travel pictures to look at. I know you enjoyed these places cause I have been there and enjoyed them too. I can see how happy you both were and these are times you need to focus on when you feel lonely. I pray that David gets better still and you keep getting stronger....Christine
Oh that "love you" from David must have been sweet music to your ears.
The photos of you and David on your travels are so bittersweet. You have such a good attitude regarding this journey you are travelling.
How wonderful to have good friends to walk with you.
You continue to be in my prayers.
Hugs,
Kim
"Whispers of hope" - amen
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo to heaven and back~
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