Right now he doesn't see me or speak to me, and I don't know what he's feeling.
There's no eye contact, no speech...... it's the strangest feeling for me.
I want him to recognize me....say something to me, and yet.....I know if he does, there's still a thought process going on in his mind.... I don't want him to feel confused or sad.....a 'catch 22 feeling.'
David is loved by everyone. I truly can not think of anyone who doesn't love him. For David, to know him is to love him!
(When I grow up, I want to be like him)
David is loved by everyone. I truly can not think of anyone who doesn't love him. For David, to know him is to love him!
(When I grow up, I want to be like him)
This quote was in David's wallet ..... So very fitting of this wonderful man. "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience." by C.S. Lewis
I truly feel that David's on a different level of life right now.... (his heart is still beating, but I feel he's a step away from being with Jesus, his mother, daddy and sister and then he will be strong and whole again).
This post is too sad and I apologize, but this is life......we live, we die and then we live forever.
I'm so thankful for all the good times we had together ........I'm so thankful for my faithful family and friends. I can't complain, but there are days that I feel so sad.
God is good..... is spite of.....!
34 comments:
Dolores:
I appreciate your honesty. It's a sign of humility and trust. It's beautiful.
I wish I had words of wisdom, comfort, etc., but I don't. I feel your sadness and internal conflict and I think it makes sense. How could you feel otherwise?
Prayers for God to be near and present to you, at this time.
Sending my love, Dolores. I feel such pain in your words so I pray that that will be eased. Your devotion to David and to the Lord has been steadfast. You are such an inspiration.
I am praying for you during this sad, yet very sacred time. Much love, Janice in San Diego
I feel your sadness, Dolores. Hang in there, just focus on the happy times and I'll keep praying for David and you....Christine
I know you will be alright .. as long as you keep writing. Never stop, please.
Sending hugs your way, what a hard place to be in right now.
Delores, you never have to apologize for your posts being sad. Even though you are so right about David's spirit, it is so difficult to still be in our human form and see the demise. Thank you for sharing your journey. It's important to you and to many. God is good, and you hang on to that.
kathy
While I really can't put myself in your shoes, I know that I am losing my mother slowly. Her usually very bright brain is not processing her thoughts and words as quickly or sharply as she would like. Surprisingly, I am finding myself extremely calm when I am with her. Today, she commented that she must be driving me crazy when she was struggling for the words. No, I was just glad to have her "trying to make sense" and she definitely can and does on good days. She's strong will and that's when we butt heads most.
I prayer for you daily and others who are struggling with their loved ones who are facing Alzheimers, dementia or strokes. So often, those illnesses are not understood until a family member is struck.
Gentle Hugs,
Beckie in Brentwood, TN
I already said this, but I'll say it again. You need not apologize for pourring your heart out to us..at least not to me my dear Dolores, as that's what we're here for, to be your friend, to support you and pray for you both, specially so that you keep strong and only HE can give you that, now that you don't have your other half. Yes, your darling and wonderful David is so much closer to the ones up there who are waiting for him, where there is only happiness, no pain, no ilness, just love and piece..where someday you'll go and join him too!! I'm sending lots of good and strong vives for you, along with my prayers.
Love,
FABBY
All I am doing right now is praying...praying for the both of you. And feeling so grateful that I was given the most fantastic aunt and uncle that anyone on this planet could have. And Fabby's comment was...fabulous. And I believe what Helen wrote too...just keep writing...we all need each other and your posts remind us of that.
I love you Aunt D! L~
I am praying for you.
Doroles you need not apologize. This blog is as much for and about you as David. It is a place whereon/wherein you can share your joys (which have been many) and faith along with your fears and all that goes with the current changes.
Life's changes sometimes are seemingly too much for us. However, God is there. Sometimes we need to call out to Him to 'feel' but He is there.
Today, as with each day, I am keeping you close Dearheart and sending you 'heart' hugs for you to spend where ever you need it.
David has been blessed to have a loving and caring wife to travel on this sad journey with him.
You both are in my thoughts and prayers daily...
You affirm life, Dolores, with every step you take knowing full well where you are going. Is that sad? Yes. And seriously thrilling, too. Because sometimes, just sometimes, I feel as if I could reach out and touch forever myself and it is a glorious sense of what the future holds for those who believe in the promise of God and what Jesus did for us. That C.S. Lewis quote is such a good one. It does not surprise me that David has had it in his wallet all along. Many blessings to you and David. Sending love, always love...
Dolores:
You should never apologize. You are sharing your journey and feelings. I truly believe our loved ones afflicted with this terrible disease do know us deep down in their heart and soul and I pray they are at peace.
Hugs,
Karla
Oh my Dolores I am so sad - for you. And it is okay that it is for you. I hope David is in a pl ace where he doesn't know what is going on. But you do know what is going on. And that is pain. I have lost a lot of people in my life - but not yet when they are still alive. That must really be tough. Prayers and hugs your way. sandie
I have Always believed that in circumstances like this, the spirit of the person is outside the body, visiting with the Other side...yet still visiting on This side...freedom to come and go...Hugging, loving...flying high!
When my Dad could no longer speak with us, he Was speaking with Mom on the Other side...It was such a sweet feeling to know that even though we couldn't see who was in the room with us...everyone he needed, Was there! It boosted Our spirits as well....and Never doubt, he hears everything you're saying and understands.
Lifting you up in Spirit, Sweet Friend!!!
(((((HUG)))))
Dolores, I am praying for you, dear lady. How tough this is... I love what Donna said about your sweet David having one foot in the beyond and one foot still here. I believe that he hears you, too - it's just difficult to process. Keep talking, keep loving, and just BE - just be there with him until it's time for him to go. The Lord is with you and so are our hearts...
What a strong woman you are! And so in love with your wonderful husband! I wish things were different for you. I see your undying love for God. I don'tknow why but this is in his plan. Take care, dear, and know that these posts help others to see what this terrible Alzheimers is all about.
A few days before my dad passed away we felt he too was passing over to the other side which gave us a feeling of peace. A book that really helped me a lot was Glimpses of Heaven....I can't remember the author but she was a Hospice nurse....so many wonderful stories ...how people are actually wrapped in a cacoon of love while a place is being prepared for him and the special person is being chosen to lead David to heaven...Just wondering...do you also have Hospice coming to see David...they can really be so much help for you in understanding what happens....take care...
My heart goes out to you and my prayers continue for you, Dolores.
Hugs,
Kim
Dolores, you are doing and saying exactly what you need to be doing. We have to go through grief, and not avoid it. You have always been good at that, and so you are doing what must be done now. I am thankful that if either of you had to have that dreadful disease, it was not reversed. David would have suffered more than we care to imagine under the same circumstances. David has completed his work here on earth, but you have not. God still has work for you to do, and later, when the time is right, you will move forward. There is a place in the Bible that describes God as as having wings to protect and shelter you. And so it is, and will be for as long as you need it. You will heal from this, because you must. Enjoy love and comfort. Know you are loved, and that things are as they are meant to be. I love you and pray for courage for tomorrow.
May the peace of Christ fill your heart as you journey through all He has ordained for you and your dear one...
Shirley myhandfulwithquietness.blogspot.com
Nancy Carter said it so beautifully what she has written to you. Bless her. Those words have such meaning of expression.
I too love you Dolores and I know my Spirit reconizes your a Child of God as you write from the heart as Nancy does.
Keep writing you are meant to do your blogs. Your a servant of God. He is giving you the strength to do so still at this time.
He is using you mighty. You may never know how much people need your words to help them also along in ways you would never think.
I'm so sorry. I don't really know what to say. I have a feeling that right now this is much, much harder on you than David. He's in his own world right now and probably at peace most of the time.
I'm so sorry Delores... thank you for sharing so openly. It really is an honor to read your writings and to get to know both you and David.
Delores,
When I lost my grandmother to Alzheimer's, blogs weren't very prevalent and there weren't many places to share the grief and sadness in that journey. I thank you so much for being so transparent with us and allowing us to be a part of yours and your husband's journey with our prayers and virtual hugs. Please don't stop sharing with us.
Judi (from the Midwest)
Dolores, you are so right, this is life and it's difficult and that's ok. That's one reason I love blogs....a place to be honest and open and then be supported by many who can empathize with you, and encourage you. As you are such an encouragement and inspiration to us! I know your David is a wonderful man, and he chose a wonderful wife to stand by his side, holding true to those sacred vows! You are a blessing! My heart breaks for you, but you're in my prayers and thoughts often! Hugs my dear friend!
HI Dolores,
It's so wonderful that you have this beautiful love and memories. Letters and photos to remind you of what you had.
My husband has been going through two months of treating me as if I am the enemy. I think it very well might be the stage of forgetting who I have been in his life. He doesn't answer me when I ask him things.
It is very sad and the truth about any kind of dementia is that it is a roller coaster of emotions.
Unlike your husband, my husband has always been a very difficult person. You are so blessed Dolores. I feel like I know David through your writings and your blog. Your love keeps him alive, and when he does get to heaven, he'll surely bless you for the rest of your life.
Karen
If it's about him, it's about you.
Sending love
Wow, David is so lucky to have you! I just hopped over here from Joy's blog. When you meet God, He is going to say "Well done, good and faithful servant" for how you served your husband!
What a mystery, sufferings in life. And especially this disease. David will have a higher place in heaven for his sufferings. love,andrea
What a post with words so carefully chosen and wonderful pictures as you always do! I don't read self-pity, because you hope for heaven for you both.
Hugs and prayers,
Carol
I am so touched by this post, expressing your true feelings, AND trust in our loving God. I think my husband and your's would have enjoyed each other. Godly priorities, and trust. Great examples for us wives to follow, even though they can no longer actively lead us. Thank you for sharing.
Laurie
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