I'd love to be upbeat and positive, but I must admit with David's decline I'm having a hard time finding 'happy'.
(wishing I could sleep through the next few weeks)
The most difficult decision of my life will be moving David to AlzCare this coming Monday, January 2nd.
(we didn't take many pictures this year)
Six years ago on Christmas day this wonderful man gathered his children and me together and made everyone promise that he would be placed in a home because he didn't want me taking care of him when his condition declined. We made the promise.
(when he's happy he looks like this......I won't show the mad/sad face)
I know so many families have gone through making this decision before me and unfortunately there will be many after me; to say it's a difficult and heartbreaking decision would be an understatement. So many tears!!!
(our two children)
We've lived through six years of changes and adjustments to our life, but through it all we've had some good days and made memories. Made a 'new normal' as I've called the changes. After Monday there will be another 'new normal'......
(my best friend)
A friend posted this quote on Face Book this week..... and it spoke volumes to me.
"Let your faith be bigger than your fear"
God is good!!
"Let your faith be bigger than your fear"
God is good!!
50 comments:
Please know although we have never met, you have been and will continue to be in our prayers. We have been following your journey and pray for your comfort, peace, and wisdom. It sounds as if the Alzcare is going to treat David with dignity and keep him healthy and safe. We pray as this transition approaches God will continue to be by your side and carry you in this journey when needed.
We will continue our prayers....know you are in our thoughts.
Blessings,
Heather
I am so sorry for this hard time...but he was a smart fellow to make you promise to put him in a home...I know it will be a hard transition for you...will keep you in my prayers...
You have been in my thoughts this holiday season, Dolores, as you face this difficult change in your life. I remember how emotional I felt when we made this decision for my mom. The quote that your friend posted on FB is really good and one that is sure to bring comfort when you need it most. I think David was very wise to make his wishes known six years ago. Although I'm sure it is still very difficult for all of you, I hope that knowing that this is the way he would want it will help to make the transition a bit easier for you.
Tonight I am sending you a warm (virtual) hug. I continue to hold you, David and your family in my prayers.
Love,
Kim
XO
May you feel surrounded by God's great love and comfort as He walks with you and David through this. David was being so very wise all those years ago. Don't worry about feeling sad. I doubt that you'd be human if you didn't. Much love...
(On another note, do folks tell you all the time that your son looks so much like his dad and that your daughter looks so much like you? Beautiful family!)
My heart has ached for you as I watched from afar as this decision approached. I remember well how hard it was for my grandmother to put my grandfather in a home. She had always wanted to care for him at home until the end, but she finally had no choice. She literally could not do it anymore (wasn't big or strong enough to provide his physical care). Thank God for caring nurses and facilities to help out in times like these.
May an extra measure of peace guard your heart and mind in the coming days. Hugs to you!
My dearest sister from another family,
I know how agonizing this decision is for you. I also know the thought, research and hard work you've put in to come to this decision.
It won't be easy, and you're going to cry a lot before it's done. I hope you know by now that you have friends that will help you through. It's an awful adjustment you have to make, but it is best, or God wouldn't be guiding you this way, right?
Will your family be there to help on this day? Or friends? You'll need someone that day for just you, and make sure you have someone there JUST FOR YOU.
I love you and you are in my prayers always.
xxx
ooo
barbara
All my thoughts and prayers are being sent to you, Dolores! You have been through so much. Just know that you are doing what David wanted. Oh, how I wish I could do something for you. But my prayers are asking for strength and guidance for you on Monday.
Love,
Susannah
Oh Dolores, I know this is the hardest decision of your life but you know, since David said it, that this is what he would want. You have done EVERYTHING you possible could for him so be at peace with your loving care. I wish so much there was something I could do but I CAN and will continue to pray for you both. THANK GOD there are places that will take these patients and yreat them with the dignity and respect they so deserve. In that, you are blessed.I am hoping your best friend will be there with you on Monday as you go through this transition. My heart is truly ACHING for you. XOXO, Pinky
I've been thinking of you all day...I have a pit in my stomach for you with the approaching change...but I also feel like your "new normal" will be a positive one in so many ways. I will be WITH you that day and all the days to come in this new journey. I love you so very much Aunt D!! L~
Oh I am so sorry you had to face this decision, Dolores but I know you are making the right one. I also know that you did your best so don't feel any guilt. We all can see how much you love and care for David. You just want the best for him. I will offer some prayers so that the transition will not be too difficult. I am sure it will all be better for you. I hope you all get to enjoy the new year...Christine
Oh.. dear friend... my heart aches for you! May the Lord be your strength... your courage.. your everything. I will be praying for you and for grace for your husband, too. Come quickly Lord Jesus!
i can only imagine what you're going through but i know that God is bigger than any problem we may have. i'll be praying for you and your family.
I love you Aunt Dolores. May the Lord give you peace and grace as you do what you must do. Heaven is closer each day to all of us who love Him. God bless you and Uncle David.
Oh Delores...what a difficult decision. David was a smart man to ask his family to make that promise. He knows that you did everything that you could and took the best care of him all these years. And you will continue to take that best care of him...just in a different way.
I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers and sending hugs your way...
I will pray for you to be at peace with this decision. I will pray for David too.
My heart goes out to you, Dolores. Unfortunately the nature of the disease puts too much stress on the loved one taking care of the AD person who has declined emotionally and physically.
This is going to happen one day for my husband and I as well. I shutter to think about it, and keep appreciating all you have told me to enjoy the early stage because it will get worse. Six years in stage two--don't know how you have done it, other than your positive attitude and loving family and friends.
Has this home told you to not visit for a week so he gets used to the place? I have heard that happens some places. And how hard that will be for you if true!
Indeed you will need a babysitter this first week--people who live by you to come over or to just take you to lunch, etc., and let you work through this horrible grief.
Your blog has become such a legacy for those of us to follow. Thanks so very much for faithfully posting.
Love and prayers,
Carol
Im so sorry you have to go thru this. I will tell you making the decision is the hardest part. It WILL get better. Alz care has come so far. They will know how to talk to him, keep him busy with games, music, crafts, exercize. You will spend more quality time with him. Please take care of yourself, you are in our prayers.
Will be thinking of you on Monday.
That picture of David's faithful
little dog makes me sad also.
He is feeling the stress of the up
coming change. His body language
seems sad. I imagine kitty too is
showing some signs of stress.
Bless you all. mm, vancouver,wa.
Such a terrible and tough decision...I am so sorry you have to go through this. How sweet of David to tell you in advance that he indeed wanted you to do this...even though no one wants it.
David will find a new routine and I pray that you too will find your way...your faith is huge...love ya!
I am SO glad you have your best friend there with you sweetheart! I WISH we could all be there for you as well...sigh...Bless your hearts and know you are Loved!!!
((((HUG))))
I had the feeling that after the Holidays, David would be moving to the care center. I imagine knowing that this was your last Christmas together in your home was heartbreaking. I am praying that everything goes as smoothly as possible on January 2nd. I will be praying for you.
From one who has made very few comments but read of your love and devotion and faith. You have a very wise and loving husband, who put you first when he said what he said six years ago.
You have been faithful and He will be faithful to you. I too, hope that you have someone there just for you. This will be far harder on you than him. I believe that you have a strong support system and you will be much loved on and for. Your new normal will be blessed because you have sought Him and leaned on Him and looked to Him.
I may be a total stranger, but you have touched my heart and I pray that IF I am ever in your situation that I would deal with it as well as you have.
The Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord make His face to shine upon you. The Lord make His countenance to shine upon you and give you His peace. Numbers 6:24-26
Dolores,
I have no words of advise. I have been thinking about you for a long time along with praying and I believe that you are making the best decision for all of you. I hope this coming year is a blessed one for you.
How brave and wise your David. How loving and supportive you and your children. I know, oh I do .. how difficult this transition will be. More than likely for you. We are here to help you through anything.
PS. the photo of you two lovelies in red is beautiful.
Dolores, I'm so sorry for your pain and am praying for you right now. I pray that the move itself is less a rending and tearing than simply another step in this process the Lord has placed before you, and that you may have peace. Here's a ((hug))!
David was very wise and very brave six years ago to ask you to make that promise. Dolores, you are very wise and very brave to keep that promise.
My heart is breaking for you, but also I am relieved that the decision is made, and I know that it is the right decision for both of you.
Love
Gilda
I'm sorry you're going through this, Dolores. I'll be thinking of you this coming week and hoping that you are surrounded by friends and family as you help David make this transition. It's hard but you really do need to think about yourself now and stay healthy and active. Take each day as it comes, baby steps, and you will be ok. {{{hugs}}} to you. Deb
Dolores,
I will be praying for you on Monday. This must be very difficult for you.
Karen
My sweet friend, Dolores, my heart just breaks for you right now!! I know this is a tough time for you right now! It's totally understandable that you are having trouble finding the "happy". But you have such a great attitude about it and God is going to bless you for that. I have been and will continue to be praying for you during this time. I'll definitely be thinking of you on Monday! May you be a little comforted knowing that so many are praying for you and we care. God bless you! Hugs!
Dear Sweet Dolores.....You...and David, will be fine. The Lord is with you both as you each travel this new path. I know that hospice keeps telling me that Mom is not in that room...or that facility, alone when I am not there with her. God is with her. All the time. As He will be with David....and you. Know you are in my thoughts and prayers...especially this coming week. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox Carol
I am praying for you, David, and your family. Try not to worry - "Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee"
I'll be with you every step of the way - across the miles. Sending love and a hug for you both. David will be well looked after and you will get the rest you need after faithfully caring for him in love. J
Oh my sweet Dolores, I can only try to imagine how hard it must be for you to let David go from his home, the one you both have made, filled with love and happiness and inmense joy with beautiful times you've shared together, a life time!! I always pray, specially for you in this trying times, just hold on to your faith and our Lord and think that it's better for David and you, you'll be alright with time and your guilt feelings will stablish themselves. I'm here, you can write me whenever, at whatever time as I'm a bad sleeper. Love you and keep strong, you're in the right path.
FABBY
Dolores,
Sending you lots of love and hugs. One foot in front of the other and you will be able to get through this. Wish I could.be there to give you a big hug. Thinking and praying for you and David.
Karls
I have followed your blog for a long time, but have never left a post. Want you to know that I am praying for you and your family this evening; I hope that if I am ever faced with the same situation that I handle it with the same commitment, sense of humor, reliance on our Lord and willingness to openly share stuggles and successes that you have. I am so glad that David had that conversation with his family. We all need to do that. Love from Washington State.
My dear friend Dolores,
I was in tears in reading your post and I understand how you feel.
Yes, this is a difficult thing to do but you know you are doing the
right thing for both of you. God is by your side and he too knows
this is the best thing you could do for your dear David. You must
believe that he will do just fine in this place, they are trained to
deal with their patients and this horrible disease.
I took care of my mother for 5 years and it was so very difficult
for me to put her in a home, but had to be done. At first I was
going every single day but they told me not to do that, to go only
2 or 3 times a week that it was better for her, so that is what I did. You and David will continue to be in my prayers. It will probably seem strange to him when you leave but know that he will adjust almost immediately. I will say a special prayer for you on Monday. My heart breaks for you, you are in my heart and prayers. Bless you always..Lu
Dolores, I just wanted to let you know I prayed for you this morning and will continue to be praying for you throughout the day! Thinking of you and praying for you a peace that only the Lord can bring! May God bless you as you continue your journey! So thankful for you and your blog! Looking forward to learning, sharing, and growing more as I continue to read your precious blog. Big hugs to you, my friend!
Continuing in prayers today.
Love,
Carol
I hate to be away from the computer, I miss so much of my blogging friend's lives.
This has to be one of the worst days and I will be praying for you. Please know we are here, if you need an ear I have one. Not only for this day but the days to come. I pray you have family and close friends around you this day and a big support system close as well.
GOD bless and keep you safe.
Hi darling, I know how difficult this decision was and is. I wish I could wrap my arms around you, hug and cry with you. I'm so glad you have the support of the children. I am not quite the lucky. I know the decision is drawing near trying to cope on a daily basis is sometimes difficult and rewarding at the same time.. I pray David, You and the children do well today... love ya darling.. hugs ~lynne~
I shared with my husband (Handyman) what you are going through. Praying that things will go smoothly (as well as can be) for you and David, and thinking of all of you today.
Thinking about you. Especially today, but everyday too. Wrapping you and David in love as you experience this transition. Knowing that all is well and all is right and that you will find comfort in knowing that he is well cared for. We know that God hears our prayers silent or not, but we need to be reminded it is alright to cry out loud. Love you. LR
Many prayers coming your way today and everyday but especially today. Hugs...Lu
Thinking of you today as you go to daycare. Good luck and I hope it goes smoothly. Best wishes for a Good new year.
Hi darling, just checking in to see how you're doing... loads of hugs and prayers for you ..hugs ~lynne~
Praying for you today in your new normal. May you feel His presence very strongly today and feel His righteous right arm around you, holding you close and tight.
Sending prayer to you sweetie...Didn't want 'nothin...just checking in on you...Sending you a Great Big hug...
(((HUG)))
That's wonderful that David sat you down and told you what to do. He was trying to make things easier for you. You've honored his wishes and hopefully that will help make the decision a little less painful for you. You've done the right thing.
Just wanted to let you know that I am still saying prayers for you, constantly and daily (I work from home so I can...). Love to you as your begin this chapter. Janice in San Diego
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