(All our grandchildren 5 years ago. I can't believe how much they've all grown up)
Yesterday was the second time for David going to AlzCare. He ate breakfast, I dressed him, then I told him I was taking him to AlzCare for a few hours. I reminded him how much he enjoyed participating with their music last week.
He said, "NO..... I'll go tomorrow." I told him that I had appointments set up and I needed a safe place for him. He had a huge temper fit, stomping his feet and slamming the door as hard as he could.
We drove for 25 minutes with him never saying a word......sigh. At this point I'm hoping I can get him out of the car.
We drove for 25 minutes with him never saying a word......sigh. At this point I'm hoping I can get him out of the car.
We arrive and he opens the car door. I rang the doorbell at AlzCare and the lady who answered the door called David by name and told him how happy she was to see him again. She offered him a hot cup of coffee. The employees treated him like a king, David was all smiles and he waved bye to me. Thank you God!
I took myself to Target and Olive Garden ...... then I came home and cried. One step at a time.
He said his lunch was delicious, he played some games ...... and he enjoyed the day.
One step at a time.
One step at a time.
God is good......
(Our best friend's daughter and our grandson after their choir performance last week)
30 comments:
Dolores, David probably doesn't remember getting upset with you. Keep going. It's good for you both. If he ever lashes out at you in frustration and anger, you'll know it's time to make this move permanent. He seems to like it there already. Please don't wait too long dear lady, he can't help himself when he's upset and it could get worse. David's not himself anymore. I'm glad he went on and let you get out. Even if you needed to cry, that's okay. I hope that Christmas goes well and that you both enjoy all the kiddos and have a wonderful time. It'll be bittersweet I know. We're going to take our Christmas to the Alz/nursing home and have a little get-together with my MIL so she can see the kids and open a few gifts. Always look for the good and the blessings, Dolores - they are there, they're just hard to see sometimes. {{hugs!}}
Crying right along with you. This is hard, but you have to do what you have to do. I was the one (of 8 kids) to take mom from her home for the last time and to her new place. Left my brother, her primary caregiver for years, crying on the doorstep. That was hard, but I kept telling myself it was a privelege to be doing such an important thing for her, after all she had done for me. I could bear the pain for all the pain she bore for me over the years. Hugs to you.
My heart breaks for you.I know first hand how that feels ,my MIL wanted to go to the nursing home could not wait to go, then she wanted out and said she had made a mistake,by then her room here at home was dismantled and it gave me such anxiety and guilt, but now a year later it WAS the best place for her as she cannot remember our names or faces and she is very agressive , they gave her meds for it.I know in my heart its for the best but it dosen't make it any easier.She just turned 92.
I am sorry you have to go through this it is life changing and it is a hard choice to make.My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Diane
Moment by moment...He gives strength for the next step. That's enough. That and His continual supply of peace, all is well dear sister, enjoy each moment as it comes, all is well.XXOO
Thinking of you...look for an email in a bit. I've got to scout out what I am looking for. Love to you both. I'm so glad that David had a very good day (even as you weren't having such a great one). Your grands are all adorable! It must be so fun to have them all together that way. Hope that you get another all together shot this year, too.
SIGH.....I can only imagine how hard this is Aunt D. I pray...and know it will get easier. Hoping soon it will become your "new normal" and it won't feel so sad.
Sure do love you!! L~
Love the family pictures interspersed with the realistic news about David. I think you handled it just right, although it is such a hard call. If you give in to David's temper and let him stay home, then you don't make progress; but if you insist on what is best for him he can become violent at this stage of the game I understand. I have given in to my husband with Alzheimer's and need to decide which battles I will fight. I am learning from you and appreciate so much your candor.
Hugs and prayers,
Carol
Sending virtual (((hugs))) to you, Dolores. I know this has to be so hard for you. This disease is so heartbreaking. I think you are wise to take it step by step and have a good cry whenever you need to. This has to be particularly difficult at this time of year. My heart goes out to you.
On a brighter note, the pictures of your grandchildren are so nice. They are all so cute.
Hugs,
Kim
I'm so glad he enjoyed his day, once he got there. Hopefully a few good times at Alzcare will leave some memories of it with him and he'll look forward to it. Its so good to keep him busy and trying new things there. Its like sending your child to kindergarden. You know they enjoy it and are learning and making friends, but its hard for YOU.
Right there with you...so sorry it was difficult...so hard. I am glad he adjusted, as he was welcomed. Oh, so hard for you...big hug for you...so sorry you have to do this.
Sending you my prayers...sounds as if you are making a very difficult decision and it sounds so right. Six years of this disease is an eternity. Lets pray for a cure too. Please remember that you have to care for "you" also, my friend...
Tears are cleansing, dear friend, and I know you have already shed more than your share. You will shed many more during this process. However difficult it is, it is the right thing for the both of you. You have been such a faithful one, loving and caring for David all these years. May God bless and guide you. Many, many hugs.
HI Dolores ... this is my first time to leave a comment but I have been following your blog for a while. I know your pain dear one.
My husband (yes, his name is/was David), was diagnosed with AD in 2002. I cared for him at home for over 7 years, then finally I had to pass the torch of his care to someone else. Prior to going into LTC nursing home David went to day program 3 days a week and one week-end a month. I believe that blazed the trail for Aug. 18th 2009 the day we moved him into nursing home. The transition was much easier on him (not for me). My David passed away June 8th 2011. I did all I could do. I miss him but he will forever be in my heart. (He was an ordainded minister ... and the good Lord was faithful every step of the 9-10 year journey of Alzheimer's.
You are in my thoughts & prayers.
Blessings
Fran
baby steps...you are definately doing the right thing for him and for you..your grands are beautiful...
My heart breaks for you. I have not commented very often, but I have followed you and your brave journey. You are a great wife. You are doing the right thing. Keep doing what you are doing, one step at a time. He will guide you one step at a time. Keep clinging to Him and He will give you the assurance and comfort you need. I am observing my daughter's FIL have to put her MIL in a home this past summer...she just turned 65. She was not diagnosed but maybe three years ago. Not sure how bad things were, but know they got bad enough that this was the best thing for both of them. I pray for him daily, for he does not know the Lord as his Lord and Saviour, so this has to be so very hard on him. You do have God to hold your hand and all of our prayers lifting you to His throne. Blessings on your day today and the week to come and your Christmas celebration. Praying for both of you.
Oh Dolores. I was nervous (right along with you) as I read your account. I know it wasn't easy for you but I'm so thankful the Lord gave grace to both of you.
Honey, I'm sorry I took so long visiting you, but I was helping my daughter move to her new home and she had no internet yet, in another city as well. Incredible that you went one step more with David at Alzcare, this is amazing in itself, I bet a while ago you didn't know it was coming so soon! I guess he doesn't like the idea at first and gets agressive, but is it because he can't remember? I can tell David is a tall man and very strong, you will have to take measures if he gets violent more often.
You make my heart go to you and I also cry along with you, you're my sweet friend and I do wish I was near, but it's not so, therefore, all my thoughts, prayers and love go out to you. Please try to enjoy all those beautiful grandkids you have before they really grow up and make a Christmas filled with love, I guess only you can do that. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. Love, FABBY
Oh Dolores, God bless you! I can't imagine how hard this is for you. My heart breaks as I read this. I am so thankful that you have found some place that makes him feel so great about being there. It seems like it's a pretty special place. Glad you were able to have some time to do some things for yourself and even get in a good cry. That's so important. You are in my thoughts and prayers, especially during the holidays! Sending hugs your way!
You are blessed to have family around you, I hope it lifts your spirit. Remember we are happy when you and cry when you do and we keep you in our prayers. This has to be such a tough time for you. Just know you have many here praying and thinking about you.
Its good you found a place for that treats him so well.
Day by day and sometimes its minute by minute.
Such a Beautiful family Delores!!
Glad David enjoyed his second visit...I believe he'll adjust well. Do they allow over night visits just to see how he would do? Guess he needs to be a full time residend though...Well, at least you'll get a bit of rest sweet friend...
Love you...
hughugs
Dolores,
you are so brave! You are right..one step. I found that it was a moment by moment thing with grandma. Her mood could change very quickly and she did not remember any of her episodes. Take heart know that God see's right where you are right now and he will give you the strength you need. I am praying for you!
Love,
Vikki
Dolores,
I wish I lived around the corner from you. You needed a hug that day for sure. The rages and windows seem to catch everyone by surprise. One step at a time. Dementia reminds me of giving birth. Do you remember how the baby would come down the birth canal just a bit, then back up a bit again. I wondered sometimes if I would ever get that baby out. But God is good, and even though this dance with Alzheimer's never seems to end, soon by the Grace of God you will be on the other side.
Blessings,
Karen
Sending you a big (((((hug))))).
Karla
God's grace! May God's grace and love and comfort be with you!
Found your blog and wanted to leave a comment to let you know your voice is reaching people.
My grandmother had a similar reaction when we tried taking her to an adult day care for Alzheimer's sufferers a few weeks ago. It's such a difficult experience. My heart goes out to you.
Dear Delores, I'm wondering if he will be happier after he goes into AlzCare full time? What do they tell you about his ability to deal with the "in and out" schedule? I'm not pushing the time frame, just wondering if he would adjust to full time care better than day trips. I am praying for you.
Dear Delores, I'm wondering if he will be happier after he goes into AlzCare full time? What do they tell you about his ability to deal with the "in and out" schedule? I'm not pushing the time frame, just wondering if he would adjust to full time care better than day trips. I am praying for you.
Dear Delores, I'm wondering if he will be happier after he goes into AlzCare full time? What do they tell you about his ability to deal with the "in and out" schedule? I'm not pushing the time frame, just wondering if he would adjust to full time care better than day trips. I am praying for you.
Oh Delores, my heart ACHES for you but you are SO BRAVE!!! I cry with you but know you will know when the time is right to give David's care over to others. David has no idea that he lashed out at you, he is not rreally the David you know and love. I will be thinking of you both over the weekend. Your family is beautiful and I hope you will be surrounded with love this holiday. XO, Pinky
Dear Miss D... So many tears for such a good reason... I just read this post (and the one above it for the b-day of your beautiful, handsome son) and I've come away feeling the great love you hold for your hubby and children. You are an amazing woman of God my friend and I'm so blessed to 'know' you. Many women are watching, reading you as your blog about this 'walk' you are on. Many will learn they too can press on with dignity and grace as they face all things in life. I know I have.
May your New Year be beautiful and filled with good memories, deep love and God's peace.
Love, Rebecca
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