I wish I could say David is adjusted and happy in his new home, but that would be the perfect world. This is a glorious world, but not perfect.
I knew in my mind and heart this would be a long and sad process. It is sad and will be a long road.....new adjustments for us.
I went to Sunday school and left afterwards with my best friend and our dog, Casey......to visit David for the first time.
I was so nervous and apprehensive!!! I was anxious and wanted to see him, but I had know idea how he was going to react.
In the pictures you'll see a stuffed animal in David's lap. Our daughter gave it to David two years ago. He wasn't attached to it in our home, but I packed it with his clothes in hopes that it would give him some comfort. I was hoping he would think it was his faithful companion, Casey.
When we arrived he was standing in the hallway holding his stuffed puppy. We almost lost our emotions when we saw him standing there.
My best friend brought along some peanut clusters, fruitcake cookies and spicy crackers. David loves to eat, and oh how he enjoyed his snack.
Several times he said, " I want to go home".....but.... when we'd say the doctor said he needs to be there for awhile, then he'd say, "ok"......
AlzCare has two houses that connect with a backyard. He was in the house for the patients
with early to mid... Alzheimers. They moved him today to the house with the people who are more advanced in the disease.
On first meeting and looking at David you would think he was early to early mid-Alzheimer's.... he's not. It took several day for them to discover exactly how far along he is...... I'm hoping and praying he will fit into this home !!!
The caretaker suggested we not say any goodbyes, she would distract him.
She said, "David, lets have some cookies and hot coffee?" They walked hand in hand down the hallway.... and he didn't look back.
I'm going tomorrow for the second visit.
One day at a time and God will be with us through every moment..
I thank you so very much for your thoughts, prayers and loving comments on this blog!!!!
Several times he said, " I want to go home".....but.... when we'd say the doctor said he needs to be there for awhile, then he'd say, "ok"......
AlzCare has two houses that connect with a backyard. He was in the house for the patients
with early to mid... Alzheimers. They moved him today to the house with the people who are more advanced in the disease.
On first meeting and looking at David you would think he was early to early mid-Alzheimer's.... he's not. It took several day for them to discover exactly how far along he is...... I'm hoping and praying he will fit into this home !!!
The caretaker suggested we not say any goodbyes, she would distract him.
She said, "David, lets have some cookies and hot coffee?" They walked hand in hand down the hallway.... and he didn't look back.
I'm going tomorrow for the second visit.
One day at a time and God will be with us through every moment..
I thank you so very much for your thoughts, prayers and loving comments on this blog!!!!
40 comments:
Delores, I know how hard that visit was! I cried when I read that the staff member distracted him as you left. I praise those who so lovingly care for our loved ones. When my MIL was diagnosed, my hubby and BILs were so uninformed about the illness. I explained the best I knew how. The person begins to loose their abilities in reverse of when they learned them as a child. Distracting Dave is just as we distract a toddler when the parent drops them off at the church nursery or with the babysitter. I hope your visit goes well tomorrow.
Beckie in Brentwood, TN
I know your heart is breaking...but you are doing the right thing...he would not want you to ruin your health over his...
I have been checking your blog for updates. Delores, I am sitting here crying about the part you wrote about David holding his stuffed dog. How wonderful you thought to include it and that it gives him comfort. I think about you both often. We have a family friend that just put his wife into a home because her alzheimers was too advanced for him to take care of anymore safely. It has been hard for his family too but it was the best for everyone. Praying for you all.
Dolores, I'm glad he has his stuffed toy, I remember at the home where my mom was that the patients all had stuffed animals. Surely he enjoyed seeing Casey. Know it was quite difficult for you to go visit him but will pray that it will get easier for you as time goes by. He looks good, he is well taken care of. Sending you many hugs and blessings...Lu
Have been thinking and praying for you both. Wondered what had happened on your first visit. I know it is oh, so hard and my heart breaks for both of you. You have done the right thing. He is safe and you are safe and that is very important. Just keep holding the hand of The One who holds the universe and you will have the strength you need for each day. His mercies are new every day and His grace is sufficient for each day.
Dolores,
That stuffed puppy scene is so heartbreaking. I hate this disease. I am glad that you went to visit with your friend. I hope that tomorrow is easier. One day at a time, and I pray that God fills you with His Grace.
Karen
I'm so glad he has his stuffed puppy. Where my Mom was, all the ladies had a baby doll to hold and wrap in blankets. The men had stuffed dogs or cats. It is very comforting to them and a good distraction if needed.
It is so hard giving control of your loved one to someone else. He is safe and in good well trained hands. I continue to pray for you and David. God Bless you both.
ps I'm so glad Casey went with you
You have been in my thoughts and I've been praying daily that your first visit would go well. I'm so glad you have a good friend who was with you as this had to be so difficult and sad. I remember my mom and many of the other residents at her assisted living center saying they wanted to go home. It always made me so sad.
The picture of David with his stuffed dog and little Casey looking up at him is so bittersweet.
It seems that David is in good hands and I pray that as time goes on it will become easier for all of you to accept this "new normal.
Hugs to you,
Kim
That is wonderful that he has the stuffed puppy. So thoughtful and WISE of your daughter to think of that! I know these first few visits wioll be SO hard but in your heart you know that this is the right thing. And, it is what he would want. God bless. Prayers coming to you. XO, Pinky
It's heartbreaking, but you are a brave lady. I think of you and David and the situation quite often throughout the day. I say prayers for you.
Thank You so much for being open about this. When I was in college I was majoring in pre nursing and knew I wanted to care for geriatrics. I worked a year at Camlu retirement Alz ward and loved it. It was such a great experience but I grew up a lot. I had such compassion for the families that would come and go and their frustration. Eventually I became a teacher but used that nursing to care for my son who was injured at birth. He has CP and Epilepsy. I believe that we go through painful things so that we receive comfort from God and then turn and allow it to be a new vessle through which God will bring others that need that same comfort. In Corinthians its a promise and I believe that with all my heart
I realized my hands were shaking as I was reading and looking at the pictures. My uncle....the sweetest man I've ever known....so respected....one of the very few people I've known my entire life. The man who walked me down the isle...a man who is both shy and strong at the same time. Aunt D, please take comfort that there are so many of us who know what a special person he is....and will always be....
(Did they like the iPod idea?)
I love you, L~
The picture in my mind of David holding his stuffed puppy made me cry, for him and for you. You're right, this isn't a perfect world and sometimes it just plain hurts.I pray for you.
Yes, it does take time, and no, I won't say how long, but saying that you have to go up the street for dog food, etc. helps, and yes, staff distractions, or being asked to sweep the pathway helps, too. No, you shouldn't look on the sweeping as unpaid labour, but giving David a chance to 'help' the staff, and making him feel useful. The stuffed puppy is a great idea. Dad had a few, and the ladies loved having life-like baby dolls to look after. Best wishes, Jenny
Dolores, sorry if my first comment seems 'abrupt' and 'rough', but hopefully you know me well enough to realise that wasn't how I meant to come across. I guess what I am trying to say, is as you enter the centre, close the door on 'today', and open the door to David's new environment, and 'go with the flow'. In time, the other residents and their families will feel like an extension of your family. A suggestion would be to enquire when a resident has a birthday, if there is a party. Hopefully, if it is anything like where Dad was, if you are able to attend, you will see what I mean :)
Best wishes, Jenny
My husband is so attached to our dog that I can relate. Dogs give unconditional love. The fact that David just needed the stuffed dog and didn't respond to your dog now shows how far down he has gone. Of course this broke your heart that it would come to this.
This is such a long goodbye to a wonderful life and love. Praying for your adjustment and thankful for all the insight I gain from your blog as we will be there one day also.
Good talking with you by phone and so grateful to all the people who care and comment here.
Love and prayers,
Carol
It sounds like your first visit went pretty well. For David. I couldn't stop the tears before I got out the door the first time. It does get easier. Especially when you see he's doing well, trusting the staff and engaging in the things they do.
I've thought of you often and wondered how that first visit had gone. Thanks for posting this; and yes, you are being held up with many prayers. May your day be blessed in a special way!
The tears flowed as I read your post. The pain has to be so deep right now as you adjust to David being at AlzCare. I have thought of you so many times this week as you waited and waited to go see him. You are so brave, so loving and I am so impressed by the grace in which you have faced each challenge.
You are such a strong person. You are doing the right thing and with time, it will ease a bit. The stuffed dog seems like a perfect companion and the AlzCare staff sound wonderful.
Hugs,
Karla
I am so happy he loves his stuffed animal...and that it gave him some solace. You must have been a very tough week, waiting to see him. I am glad the adjustment went well. God be with you both.
There was a lady at my Dad's nursing home who always held a doll. One day one of the nurses shared a picture she had taken of my Dad with this lady. They were sitting together talking and my Dad was holding her doll. It looked like an elderly couple sitting on a park bench with their grandchild, but they were both content. I guess that's what was important.
I'm glad that stuffed dog is helping David now.
I think of you often.
We're praying for you, Aunt Dolores. <3
I can not Even begin to imagine what you're feeling right now sweetheart...The stuffed pup was a great idea though!
Praying today's vist went well for you both!!!
(((HUG)))
Keep your chin up, if you can. You are doing the right thing. I must be very hard. I can not imagine what you are going through. You are so brave. I pray for you every night.
The stuffed puppy was such a good idea. Keep us posted, Dolores.
Susannah
Dolores,
I'm sorry I missed this - I've been sick!!
How did the second visit go? I'm sure it will take a while for David to adjust - but he will adjust. It breaks my heart that you have to go through this. I'm glad David is finding comfort in his stuffie. And it's a good thing he likes coffee and cookies!
I think deep down he knows he's supposed to be there, and his "okay" is his understanding. As hard as it is for you, I can imagine that he's feeling a little out of sorts in new surroundings. He'll make a friend or two, and then he'll start enjoying himself as best he can.
We can pray for that, right?
You're in my thoughts every day.
xxx
love,
your sister from another family,
barbara
It strikes me again how incredibly brave you are. You are amazing.
It sounds as if David is doing as well as he can in this moment and that he'll be doing better once he is truly settled into a routine. I loved that there were no goodbyes. How interesting. (My grandmother clung to us and would not let us go and called to us from way down the hall and we could not get away and it nearly broke our hearts.) This sounds like such a better plan. What good caretakers!
Much love to you and David as you carry on. One day at a time, my friend.
My very brave friend Dolores! How sad it must be to leave your loving and precious David to be cared by prefessionals, but there was no other choise, had there been one, you know you would have done it. He's going to be better cared and your visits and the kids's will give him the love and the heart care he needs, as well. Just keep brave and strong for HIM and for YOU and the rest leave it to God, he'll take care of you. I will keep on praying for you sweet Dolores. Thank you for your kind visit honey. Love,
FABBY
Hi, my name is Heather! Please email me when you can, I have a question about your blog!
HeatherVonSJ[at]gmail[dot]com
I know how hard this is for you. I just started my blog and I am reading other people's stories in how they are also dealing with this devastating disease. I look forward to reading more. God Bless.
Oh Dolores, this is so heartbreaking but I know you are doing the best for everybody especially for David. I know how hard this is for you but hang in there, we're all praying for you. I know it will get better....Christine
Have you ever practiced deep breathing techniques? I think this would be very helpful upon arriving and departing from your visits with David. It is a simple stress release technique that can be very helpful.
You are in my prayers. One day at a time...
Dolores...You know I walk this path each day with my mom. It's 6 years this month that we moved her from our home to assisted living. I wish I could say it gets easier. I CAN tell you it warms my heart to know she is so well cared for. You did the most loving thing you could have done for David...and for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxox
I cant help but get emotional with you. I know you have to keep calm when visiting him. May the lord keep you calm and at peace knowing he is being taken care of so well.
God keep you strong.
Thinking of you both
Dolores, With everything that is on your mind right now with David and having to place him in this home, I really do appreciate you visiting me and your birthday wishes. I have been praying for you and hope things get better with time and David adjust to his new home. Blessings...Lu
Miss D~
I'm pretty overwhelmed right now with a lot of thoughts. But...the one single feeling that washes over me most is what a faithful, loving wife you are to the husband of your youth.
I can only pray if I am ever faced with all you are dealing with that I will approach it with the same grace, love and kindness you show.
You are the very woman we read about in Proverbs. Your children no doubt rise up and called you blessed.
Love you~
Rebecca
David looks so well cared for...and handsome...and the staff sounds kind and knowledgeable. You have been so brave to take this step that is best for him. Praying for you.
Post a Comment