I have a mix of emotions when I visit David. I love to see him with his eyes closed. I'm hoping and praying he feels peace. However, I also find myself wanting him to be awake .......I want him to know that I'm there with him.
When his eyes are open and staring ... my heart breaks and I want him to sleep.
'If' only Alzheimer's would go away and NEVER come back!!!
'If' only Alzheimer's would go away and NEVER come back!!!
Next week will be the 5th anniversary of us moving into our home.
Our best friends and their daughter wrote scriptures on the studs of our 'to be' new home.
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David looking out the window in the room where he spent so much time listening to his music.
Same window, same room.
Our grandson riding his bike in the house.
Our ugly backyard five years ago..
Here we are a few years later.
David loved his new home!
The sweetest man and his faithful companion.
And I say, ..."God is good!"
24 comments:
It must be such a conflict of emotions, wanting him to see you but wanting him to have peace. This disease seems so MEAN....to the person and also to the caregiver/spouse. It ROBS you of the person you had. I pray for you and continue to be awed at your faith and trust. XOXO
Ohhh...I did not realize how new your home was to you. It has looked so much like your beautiful home that I thought you'd lived there for years and years. Sweet memories with the scriptures and signatures on the studs and all...a lovely thing to do. Your foundation is firm, Dolores. You will stand. David will, too. Much love as you continue this long goodbye...
My eyes cry for you - my heart cries for you!
As painful as it is to read your profound thoughts, I thank you! You make me rethink my complaints and worries from work. My Dad had an inoperatable brain tumor and that journy took 11 months. It is so very difficult to see your love one going through this. Each moment is so precious, as are our love ones and family.
God Bless You and your Family.
Suzan
Wow, sweet lady..you both lived only 5 happy years in your gorgeous home with the beautiful pool! You have so many wonderful memories with David and your lovely and beautiful family. I can persive your emotions every time you visit David, at times are so torn, with happiness and sadness to see your wonderful, sweet and intelligent dearest husband not responding to anyhting at all...but I know inside him, when you visit him, HE KNOWS IT'S YOU!! His heart must be so filled with happiness when he feels, smells and sees your lovely face and beautiful eyes. Enjoy the rest of the weekend my dear friend. Always sending prayers your way, so He can help you and give you the strength you need to carry on this path.
FABBY
Nothing like a good blessing bestowed upon your new home. I hope you are attending church and receiving his love through your church family. Everyday I pray for you and David....strength and guidance for you ...peace for David. You are a wonderful wife, Dolores. I know it is hard for you to see your husband go through this. All my thoughts and prayers are with you.
I think of Christ saying, "I go to prepare a place for you." That will be the new home with love written everywhere, and the words aren't covered by walls in Heaven. What a hope we have!
Hugs and prayers,
Carol
I'm right with you on wishing that Alzheimer's would go away and never return. It is an emotional roller coaster to be sure.
It must make you sad that David wasn't able to live in your beautiful new home for longer. So many decisions and dreams go into planning a new home. I like how your friends wrote scripture on the studs. What a lovely idea. Your backyard is gorgeous.
Keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs.
I remember all the past posts of you and David ....what a difference a few years make. But you have all those lovely memories and when the time comes you will realize how important they are to you and how much joy they will bring you. I remember my dad saying over and over again..."nothing matters but the memories we hold in our hearts"...believe me when I say this...truer words were never spoken. So even these last memories of David will become precious to you...you will want these back again though they seem so hard right now. My mantra was "It is a honor and a privilege" to take care of my dad and I know that is yours...xo
Gosh I hurt for you as you write those words. How it must tear your stomach up. You moved into your home 5 years ago and David was okay? Now he is in a home? AD sure moved quickly. I am so very sorry. But you have this right - and I don't know how to explain it now - but GOD IS GOOD -
sandie
Hello dear Dolores... I feel your pain ... so hard to want have David back and not being able to. So hard to let go, isn't it? He's in the Lord's hands and that's a perfectly perfect place to be. It's so hard for us humans to understand these lingering illnesses. I think of you and David when I see my MIL and see how slowly she is declining. Sometimes I wish it was quicker, and then I feel guilty. She does not have any quality of life, she doesn't talk, doesn't do anything. I'm praying for you both, Dolores, and David slips further away. May the Lord shower His unending grace and mercy on you both.
Dolores, your home is beautiful, I did not know you had only been here 5 years. I guess you are thankful that he did have some time to enjoy it, however, not enough. I think that somehow David does know you are there, the love you both have had for each other was so meaningful and even in this state he is in now, I do believe he loves you and you are in his thoughts. Prayers, Lu
Building your dream home was such a great time for you. I'm so sorry that David is not able to continue to enjoy it with you. Your children and grandchildren will have special memories of the time that they had (and have) in the house with you and David. Continuing to pray for you, David and your family.
Beckie in Brentwood, TN
I long more and more for our heavenly home where there will be no more sorrow, tears or separation. This world is full of beauty but also full of such heartache. My heart breaks for you!
Delores,
You sum it up so well. If only Alzheimer's would go away! You look for signs of life and recognition, and you look for signs of peace. The two don't always look the same. Thank you for sharing.
kathy
Yes, conflict of emotions, I understand. Daddy was sleeping yesterday, I did not wake him. I wanted to see those blue eyes, and I wanted him to know that I was there. But if he is sleeping, then he is not in pain. I thank God for that. Yes, God is good!!!! Even in the heat of the battle with the Alz. beast, and the depths of sadness that this disease causes, God is good!!!
It is such a tragic disease...you are in my thoughts and prayers...I didn't realize that your home was so new to you...it looked like you had been there forever...so happy you have good memories there..
It is such a horrid disease my dear, dear friend across the miles. This is the first time I knew your home was only five years old. Yes the memories is in that home for sure. Good memories.
I do continue to keep ypu in prayer and like your daughter said. When he is asleep he is at rest and peace.
The spirit in him for sure knows your spirit of peace. Most likely that is why he is able to close his eyes. Christ's peace and you as his wife are grounded in the word of God. They do say we can reconise the others persons spirit. How wonderful is that.
That is a great honour my friend. The spirit reconizing yours. Amen. God is preparing you for days ahead. For we never know the time or day. Yet the Lord is with you dear Delores. Making you stonger in him. Christ Jesus.
Loads of memories you have there at that house from the ground and up. I like the prayers on the post.
WE ALL are keeping you in prayer for strength.
I can just imagine how you feel, Dolores. Those pictures are so precious...Christine
Oh Delores, I love looking back at the photos of the house and David...and the God is Good writing!!
Loving you today!
hughugs
You share your heart with all of us. We wrap you in love.
How are you sweetie? How is David to this date? I'm ok too, with some little issues, nothing I cannot fix from my side, at least. Thank you for your visit to see the ceiling medallion..AGAIN!! Actually, I thought I'll post this one again just because I wanted to see if I was able to link with Susan's MM ....aaand I DID! I wasn't able for a while, caz of her change of address. Have a nice rest of the week and we'll talk soon.
Love,
FABBY
I am imagining the two of you planning and building a home, a retreat, a respite ~ and all the time Alzheimers' is lurking around the corner.I hate Alzheimers' too.
Your home is beautiful, and I am sad David is not there now with you. I too have prayed for him to be at peace, and for him to feel no fear or emptiness as the disease takes over. Prayers for you both, Dolores.
your home looks so lovely!! enjoy..
my best friends mother had Alzhimer's...there was nothing I could do, but support her.
I am your newest follower..pls follow back if you can.
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